Want to change sponsors; not sure how to do it

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Want to change sponsors; not sure how to do it

Postby AnonymousA » Sat Apr 16, 2016 7:23 am

I started AA less than a year ago, and my current sponsor was fairly enthusiastic in his approach at my first meeting. As I did the steps, I realized that a big character defect of mine is that I'm easily "sold" by more aggressive people, only to realize that it rarely turns out well long-term.

I'm truly grateful for my sponsor's help in keeping me sober so far, but I've come to realize that our styles and philosophies are not really aligning well. I've started to feel scolded, like I'm being "parented" in a way, to the point where I just don't wanna tell him anything anymore.

There's another guy in my home group that I think will be a much better fit, so I wanna switch. I just want some opinions on what, and how to tell my current sponsor. Thanks.
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Re: Want to change sponsors; not sure how to do it

Postby PaigeB » Sat Apr 16, 2016 8:22 am

I changed sponsors in my first year too. It was because we were not getting into the Big Book reading & working the Steps. First, I looked at different people who I might ask and I asked THEM what is the proper thing to do/say. Sort of like a job interview, lol.

I did change sponsors. Sometimes I think my first sponsor still holds a grudge, but that is likely my perception.
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Re: Want to change sponsors; not sure how to do it

Postby AnonymousA » Sat Apr 16, 2016 10:25 am

PaigeB wrote:I changed sponsors in my first year too. It was because we were not getting into the Big Book reading & working the Steps. First, I looked at different people who I might ask and I asked THEM what is the proper thing to do/say. Sort of like a job interview, lol.

I did change sponsors. Sometimes I think my first sponsor still holds a grudge, but that is likely my perception.


That's a good idea.
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Re: Want to change sponsors; not sure how to do it

Postby Larryp713 » Mon Apr 18, 2016 11:14 am

AnonymousA wrote:There's another guy in my home group that I think will be a much better fit, so I wanna switch. I just want some opinions on what, and how to tell my current sponsor. Thanks.


I changed sponsors after seven months because my first sponsor and I were no longer working on steps, and I felt like I needed to focus on working steps again. My first sponsor helped me get into this program and I am forever grateful. I made sure I told him that. I just said I needed something different, and he was totally cool with it. We are still friends.

Funny thing... I have made great progress with me second sponsor, but in the last few months I have started to have questions about his style. His approach to the program is directive sponsorship, which does get more involved in my personal affairs. I don't like that. I don't want a life coach. But when I am honest, his guidance is to make sure I am practicing these principles in all my affairs. He is not trying to be a life coach, just keeping me honest about how I am living this program.

I realized that the perception I had of this second sponsor was not very honest at first. I think that came from my higher power, because I tried to tell myself that my sponsor was trying to control my life, and after praying about it, I got a strong impression that wasn't true. I am trying to honestly follow his lead, since I asked him to sponsor me, and when I feel like that is no longer helping me grow spiritually, I will start praying for guidance again.

It really has provided more evidence to me of how this program is supposed to work. I wish you well on your decision and only advise to be open-minded about it as you pray and meditate on this decision. Larry
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Re: Want to change sponsors; not sure how to do it

Postby Roberth » Mon Apr 18, 2016 11:51 am

Hello AnonymousA, I am glad my sponsor picked me and not the other way around. I would have picked someone a lot easier, someone I could manipulate.
Here’s a thought,maybe it’s time to start working on the character defects. I would tell my sponsor how I feel. He might not even know how he is doing something or someway. I have to remember my number one defect is control, wanting it my way whether it with a sponsor or a sponsee.
As I sponsor I have to be able to hear a sponsee in order to help them and as a sponsee I have to be able to tell my sponsor anything and have him hear me.
Robert
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Re: Want to change sponsors; not sure how to do it

Postby Lali » Thu Apr 21, 2016 1:54 pm

PaigeB wrote:Sometimes I think my first sponsor still holds a grudge, but that is likely my perception.


...and not YOUR problem as I'm sure you know!
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
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