Don't know where to start..

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Don't know where to start..

Postby missyellow » Fri Mar 25, 2016 6:37 am

Hi guys. Needing some help here... I've been battling with my alcohol abuse for some time now. I was sober for 8 months last year and it was fantastic, I noticed such a change in my life. However, I moved to a new city last August, and slowly things have gone downhill since then. I would accept social invitations out for drinks, because I thought it was the only was I would make friends. I convinced myself that I would be ok to only have a couple. What's the harm right? Every night I've been out since then has been a total blackout. I've only drunk on about 7 or 8 occasions since August but never woken up with my memory. I'm here because last night I hit absolute rock bottom. I was out for drinks with friends, and already blackout by this point, had text my parents to ask them for a lift. They arrived at 11.30pm to pick me up, only i was nowhere to be found. I disappeared and they did not find me until 4 hours later, outside a hotel. I have absolutely no idea how i got there, or who I was with. My parents are absolutely devastated and it's the worst thing I have ever done. They can't speak to me and are disgusted with me. I said some awful things to them about it being their fault for never helping me, and I'm terrified that this is irreparable damage. I would never, ever behave like that sober and it is 100% the alcohol, which i know and have known for so long. Why do I keep doing it!!!! I'm devastated and don't know how I can, or if I can, fix this. Please help.
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Re: Don't know where to start..

Postby avaneesh912 » Fri Mar 25, 2016 6:47 am

Why do I keep doing it!!!


The book Alcoholics Anonymous talks about the peculiar mental twist that precedes that first drink. We then succumb to the lie and then we are in the vicious cycle. What starts the whole cycle again? Internal un-manageability. Non-Acceptance of current situation. Thats why we in AA insist on new-comers find a sponsor start working the 12 steps and start cleaning themselves.

So they can experience the power that can help them overcome the insanity.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Don't know where to start..

Postby Layne » Fri Mar 25, 2016 7:25 am

Hi missyellow. Welcome! Glad you are here.

I would suggest getting a copy of the book Alcoholics Anonymous: The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism. Start reading the book and following the suggestions in it.

That book and the suggestions in it are how I recovered from alcoholism and is responsible for the quality of life that I enjoy today. Attending a meeting of AA can also be helpful and a good tool, but for me the real solution was found in the book.
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Re: Don't know where to start..

Postby missyellow » Fri Mar 25, 2016 8:53 am

Thank you guys. I will definitely get myself a copy of the book. I know it's going to be hard and I'm going to have to take small steps. I just feel so embarrassed finally admitting that I have a problem out loud. I feel ashamed that I'm not the person people think I am. I know it's the beginning and it will get better it just doesn't feel like it right now :(
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Re: Don't know where to start..

Postby PaigeB » Fri Mar 25, 2016 10:01 am

I didn't have a problem, I have a DISEASE. It is like an allergy of sorts; whenever I take any alcohol whatever into my body I have the reaction that I WANT MORE... it is called "the phenomena of craving". But it is also a mental obsession that someday I will "control and enjoy my drinking" my brain keeps telling me that this time I will be ok - but I was like you, I never knew where I was going to end up, yet I did it over and over.

I have not had a drop of alcohol since August 1, 2009 and that is because of Alcoholics Anonymous - both the book and the meetings. From the Big Book Page 152:

"Have you have a sufficient substitute?"
"Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous."

Because of my disease I can never drink safely, but in AA I have found a host of friends, friends that care about my very life. The care enough to show up in rooms all over the world and make coffee and have a meeting just in case a newcomer needs help to relieve the absolute suffering we alcoholics have all felt. If you think that maybe you are like me maybe you have felt "pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization" (pg 30). You might want to go to a meeting and see what our recovery from this disease looks like. We have a solution. If I can do it, you can do it too.

Follow this link to AA meetings all over the world: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Don't know where to start..

Postby missyellow » Fri Mar 25, 2016 1:00 pm

Thank you Paige, it's really comforting to hear similar feelings. Hopefully a meeting will set me on the right track. Does anyone have any thoughts on seeing a counsellor in addition to meetings? I've tried counselling before but I feel as though it didn't really achieve anything for me.
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Re: Don't know where to start..

Postby ezdzit247 » Fri Mar 25, 2016 1:35 pm

missyellow wrote:Thank you Paige, it's really comforting to hear similar feelings. Hopefully a meeting will set me on the right track. Does anyone have any thoughts on seeing a counsellor in addition to meetings? I've tried counselling before but I feel as though it didn't really achieve anything for me.


Hi missyellow and welcome.

Step 1 was the best place for me to start. Finally being able to admit to my innermost self that I was powerless over alcohol and my life was unmanageable worked really well for me. Until I was able to do that, nothing else worked for me.

Keep coming back.....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: Don't know where to start..

Postby Robert R » Fri Mar 25, 2016 2:11 pm

Welcome missyellow, for me there were two parts to my start. (1), Thought. (2), Action. My thinking fully accepted that 'I was powerless over alcohol and that my life was unmanageable'. My action was to get to an AA meeting where I heard others who had been where I was (and I could identify with) explain in simple terms how I could have the peace and contentment in life that they had achieved using the simple tools of the AA programme.

This has resulted in my best/happiest 8 years of life to date.

There for you too if you want it!

Robert
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.
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Re: Don't know where to start..

Postby Lali » Fri Mar 25, 2016 4:19 pm

There's nothing wrong with seeing a therapist along with working the program. That's up to you.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
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Re: Don't know where to start..

Postby missyellow » Sat Mar 26, 2016 5:31 am

Robert R wrote:Welcome missyellow, for me there were two parts to my start. (1), Thought. (2), Action.


You're totally right. I've accepted now that I'm powerless over alcohol, now I need to do something about it. I've found a local meeting tomorrow and will be going along to start the journey.
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Re: Don't know where to start..

Postby PaigeB » Sat Mar 26, 2016 10:34 am

missyellow wrote:Thank you Paige, it's really comforting to hear similar feelings. Hopefully a meeting will set me on the right track. Does anyone have any thoughts on seeing a counsellor in addition to meetings? I've tried counselling before but I feel as though it didn't really achieve anything for me.

Within a month of going to meetings (daily at first) I took my counselor some AA literature and never went back to counselling again! I found that the counselor wanted to talk about my family and all the things that bothered me, where AA suggested living in the solution. Sort of opposite ideas. I need AA if I am going to stay sober. It has been over 6 years since I have seen a counselor, but if I really felt I needed one, I can always go back.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
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Re: Don't know where to start..

Postby Robert R » Sat Mar 26, 2016 3:10 pm

Hey, meeting tomorrow! Well done girl. :D Please post back how it goes for you. Hope you hear enough to get you back for more.
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.
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Re: Don't know where to start..

Postby missyellow » Sat Mar 26, 2016 4:17 pm

Well I've now realised that it's Easter Sunday tomorrow and the meeting isn't on as usual... so the closest available one I'll be at and letting you know how it goes!
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Re: Don't know where to start..

Postby PaigeB » Wed Mar 30, 2016 12:17 pm

Keep coming back missyellow! I went to a women's Step Study on Sunday. It was smaller than usual, but we alkies here in District 8 tend to be open 24/7/365! I hope you found a good one!
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
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