Compulsive drinker

New to AA? Got questions? Here's the place to ask. Note that no one person speaks "officially" for AA. AA meetings in your local area are always the best source of information. Note that anyone may post and reply to messages in this forum.

Compulsive drinker

Postby Ravensgrl » Mon Mar 07, 2016 6:19 pm

So I don't know, I keep coming back to this am I an alcoholic? I think I'm ready to accept it. A few weeks ago my roommate and i had a party. There was a lot of leftover beer and an entire handle of vodka. My roommate moved out and then I'm left home alone with all of these bottles just sitting there. So I'd drink. Some nights I'd drink a little some nights a lot, but I would always drink. I kept thinking to myself I'm going to quit drinking when that vodka runs out. I didn't even really want to drink, it was like a compulsion. I knew I wouldn't stop until that bottle was gone. And it was a big bottle. I woke up this morning mad at myself for again drinking on a work night and feeling like crap. I'm just so sick of this. So as soon as I woke up this morning I took that damn bottle and poured it down the sink. I may not be the alcoholic that can finish that bottle in a couple of nights. But I sure as hell can't leave that bottle alone as long as it's sitting there. And I don't even like vodka!! So yeah, I think I need a meeting and really do it right this time.
Ravensgrl
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 75
Joined: Sun Aug 23, 2015 4:11 pm

Re: Compulsive drinker

Postby Chelle » Mon Mar 07, 2016 6:35 pm

Getting to a meeting is a good place to start. I dumped out many of leftover beers, certain I would not drink again, only to end up at the liquor store the day or two after and buying more. It was a vicious cycle, and a huge waste of money. If it was in the house I would drink it. If it was at the store I would buy it. AA and the 12 steps is the only thing that has removed my obsession.

If you have to question if you are alcoholic so many times after repeating the research, I think your question has been answered. If not, it will be after listening to a room full of us. Give it a try. :D
User avatar
Chelle
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 208
Joined: Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:12 am
Location: Midwest US

Re: Compulsive drinker

Postby ezdzit247 » Mon Mar 07, 2016 7:18 pm

Hi "Ravensgrl

If you're ready to put the plug in the jug, suggest you try a Young Peoples AA meeting in your area. Having a YP home group worked really well for me.

Keep coming back....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
User avatar
ezdzit247
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 2077
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2014 4:38 pm
Location: California

Re: Compulsive drinker

Postby Reborn » Tue Mar 08, 2016 10:13 am

I would suggest to get a Big Book and read it. If you don't have one google it...there are free web based copies you can read. Read at least the first 60 pages and look for simularities...that is how I made my beginning. Then I went to a few meetings found a big book thumping sponsor and got busy working the steps. I dare you to show us that it doesn't work...give it a whirl!!
We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. BB pg 132
Reborn
Forums Long Timer
 
Posts: 501
Joined: Mon May 25, 2015 6:20 pm

Re: Compulsive drinker

Postby PaigeB » Tue Mar 08, 2016 11:52 am

http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources

Use these links to find a meeting near you. A Young People's meeting might be nice, but they are not different in format from a regular closed discussion meeting. My home group is a women's group. But the important and effective purpose of getting the solution from another alcoholic should be readily available at any closed meeting. Start looking for a sponsor right away. Me having someone to ask my "silly serious" questions was priceless. Here is some Q&A on sponsorship:
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/aa-liter ... ponsorship

Please keep coming back. We are here 24/7 and e-aa also has live chat meetings and email meetings to supplement your face to face work. That is how I found online AA and e-aa... btw, e-aa has a Daily Reflections Forum in the Closed Meetings section of the boards which I use for daily maintenance.

Get right to work. This is a deadly disease. Pitiful and pitiless... it kills.
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
User avatar
PaigeB
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 10393
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA

Re: Compulsive drinker

Postby TBML » Tue Mar 08, 2016 1:24 pm

Admitting you are a compulsive drinker, have a drinking problem, are powerless when it comes to alcohol, or are an alcoholic are all pretty much the same thing.

It means you and alcohol don't mix. I struggled for a long time before I could say "I am an alcoholic". I used the other phrases even after I had quit drinking for years.

Meetings helped me tremendously when I first quit drinking. It was a great comfort to know that I was not in it alone. You have nothing to lose.
TBML
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Sun Feb 07, 2016 7:49 am

Re: Compulsive drinker

Postby Ravensgrl » Tue Mar 08, 2016 7:46 pm

Yeah I guess I feel prob like everyone else when they first start. It's like I just didn't want this for myself. I'd prob feel the same way if I was diagnosed with diabetes or something. But with this, it's like am I gonna miss out on anything, is my life going to be exciting. I don't know, I guess if I were talking to someone else I'd have some pretty good advice to give, but it's a lot easier to know what to do when it's not you.
Ravensgrl
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 75
Joined: Sun Aug 23, 2015 4:11 pm

Re: Compulsive drinker

Postby OnPoint » Wed Mar 09, 2016 7:08 am

Hi Ravensgrl, I had those same questions when I was new. I'd like to tell you how I worked them out.

Early on in sobriety I had trouble adjusting to not drinking. Since my idea of fun always involved drinking, I was worried that I would never have fun again. When I talked to my sponsor about this he said the oddest thing. He said, "Sometimes you have to choose whether you want to have fun or you want to be happy". That didn't make much sense because to me "fun" and "happy" meant the same thing. What I found was that in order to understand I had to update my definitions.

Today the word fun means when I am enjoying the present moment. I did a lot of this when I was drinking. I would drink until all my worries and concerns were gone, until I didn't care about anything, and just act out in the present moment. The problem was that sometimes I woke up the next morning with fears and regrets. But in that drunken moment the night before I had been carefree. I lived for that feeling.

It is the definition of the word happiness that has changed the most for me. Today I think of happiness as the feeling I have when I look at my whole life, from beginning to end, and I like where I see it going. Sure, there are some moments in my past that I will never be proud of. But the steps have taught me how to deal with my past so that I no longer have to feel shame when I think of it. Today my life is on a good path, a path that I can be proud of. Today I can look at my whole life and feel content and at peace with the course I am on. That is what I call happiness today.

A word of warning; happiness isn't easy. It is much easier to pick up the next drink and forget than to do the work of building a happy life. I suppose that is why alcoholics go back to it so often. I remember how surprised I was the first time I saw someone drinking and I realized that I didn't want to drink. I wasn't resisting drinking, I wasn't afraid of drinking, I simply no longer wanted to drink. In that moment I realized there was nothing a drink could add to the happiness that I felt inside. I was able to look at my life and feel satisfied and content. I realized that my life was on a good path and drinking could only derail me. That was a good day.
OnPoint
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 65
Joined: Thu Feb 04, 2016 7:37 pm
Location: Maryland, USA

Re: Compulsive drinker

Postby Lali » Wed Mar 09, 2016 2:38 pm

When I look back on my drinking life, what I thought was fun at the time, really wasn't that fun. It certainly wasn't worth all the remorse, guilt and shame that I felt. That was my experience anyway.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
Lali
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 4869
Joined: Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:13 am

Re: Compulsive drinker

Postby Larryp713 » Thu Mar 10, 2016 6:56 am

I had to work on my "first step" for 20 years after my first AA meeting because I didn't know what powerless meant. I had moments when I knew I was an alcoholic but thought I would eventually fix myself. It takes what it takes. Everytime I reached a point similar to how you felt when you were pouring out that vodka was one step closer to really being willing to work this program. That included all the things I wasn't going to do... get a sponsor, 90 meetings in 90 days, service and fellowship.

I would say just give this a try. I think you will find that, if nothing else, you learn more about yourself and gain some spirituality. There are things I don't like about AA even today, but they bother me far less than they used to. I don't mind smelling like smoke or dealing with obnoxious characters because this program saved my life, and I know part of God's plan for me is to carry this message to another sufferer. I hope you do make it to a meeting, and please keep coming back. Larry
Trudging the Road of Happy Destiny!!!
Larryp713
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 220
Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2015 9:52 am
Location: Olathe, KS

Re: Compulsive drinker

Postby Lali » Thu Mar 10, 2016 4:26 pm

Hi, Ravensgirl. A few days have passed since your post and I was wondering where you are at with regard to going to a meeting. Were you able to find out when the meetings are in your area? I'm not trying to be pushy but wanted to pass along something I remind myself of when I let my life get stagnate and that is nothing changes if nothing changes. That little quote gives me that little push I need sometimes. Calling your local AA to get a meeting list doesn't mean you must follow through with a meeting. You may even want to chat with the person on the other end of the call to talk about the program and ask any questions you may have.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
Lali
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 4869
Joined: Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:13 am

Re: Compulsive drinker

Postby Ravensgrl » Sat Mar 12, 2016 4:31 pm

I went to my first meeting on Wednesday night. I had been texting a woman who I connected with through the AA hotline. To be honest, it was very overwhelming and I didn't want to be there. I met some women and exchanged numbers with one. Everyone was really nice, but as an introvert it was very hard. One woman asked me what my drinking was like and I said something noncommittal. Just how I feel in therapy that keeps me from going back, I have trouble opening up to someone I don't know. People throughout the meeting talked of going to two or three meetings a day. Again that just felt too overwhelming. I can't even make it to a therapy session every couple of months. For two days after that, the woman I exchanged numbers with offered to take me to meetings. I work long days and it would be tight trying to get to these 7 PM meetings, so instead of trying, I talked of work getting in the way. But, I think I want to give it a shot. I will text this woman again. It is overwhelming, but part of that I believe is BC I have been isolating myself so much that giving up my nights to a room full of people just seems so hard. But she does remind me somehow of the type of people I hung out with in high school and that is comforting. I hate to admit this to members of AA, but I've decided to throw myself an alcohol going away party. Last night I picked up a bottle of wine and a six pack of my favorite beer. I drank the wine and one beer last night and I did absolutely no introspection. Tonight I am on beer 2 of 5. Before I started drinking, I read the last 2/3 of drinking, a love story. I related to a lot of it. Lately, my drinking had become uneventful. I drink alone at home and don't get into any trouble. But during my first beer tonight, I started to remind myself of the really bad nights. I know I prob shouldn't have picked up any alcohol and just gone to the meetings, but I also kinda feel like I need this one last time, really take a look at myself to actually be ready.

Also, I'm been reading some AA lit I picked up at my first meeting. I'm having trouble with the first step. I may be powerless over alcohol, but I do not feel like my life has become unmanageable.
Ravensgrl
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 75
Joined: Sun Aug 23, 2015 4:11 pm

Re: Compulsive drinker

Postby avaneesh912 » Sat Mar 12, 2016 5:10 pm

People throughout the meeting talked of going to two or three meetings a day.


Thats not the old-timers did. They first worked the 12 steps and then they were sponsored into meetings. There main aim was to be of help to other alcoholics. Somewhere the true message of AA got diluted.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
User avatar
avaneesh912
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 4646
Joined: Fri May 30, 2008 12:22 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: Compulsive drinker

Postby Reborn » Sat Mar 12, 2016 5:26 pm

Ravensgrl wrote:I know I prob shouldn't have picked up any alcohol and just gone to the meetings, but I also kinda feel like I need this one last time, really take a look at myself to actually be ready.


I remember doing this before I stopped drinking. "Just one more night" I would tell myself. Then the next day it would get close to the "drinking hour" and I would justify it one more time. This lasted for months...and that landed me in the hospital detoxing for 5 days...shaking...hooked up to IVs. I'm in no way saying that this will happen to you...I just know for myself I had to take that scary plunge into sobriety and stick to it.

Ravengrl wrote:Also, I'm been reading some AA lit I picked up at my first meeting. I'm having trouble with the first step. I may be powerless over alcohol, but I do not feel like my life has become unmanageable.


This is also familiar to me...I could deffinately see I was powerless over alcohol but my life unmanageable? What I have learned is the unmanageability is about the restless, irratable and discontent feelings I had that lead me back to the first drink. Bascially if my life is so "manageable" why do I need to drink like I do? It sounds like you have made a good beginning...and you have a desire to stop drinking...now just follow that up with action....good luck and god bless.
We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. BB pg 132
Reborn
Forums Long Timer
 
Posts: 501
Joined: Mon May 25, 2015 6:20 pm

Re: Compulsive drinker

Postby Brock » Sat Mar 12, 2016 5:48 pm

People throughout the meeting talked of going to two or three meetings a day. Again that just felt too overwhelming.

Congratulations on making your first meeting, this idea of a lot of meetings is usually meant as something we do at the start, many find 90 in the first 90 days useful, partly to fill your free time instead of drinking, also to hear different views and to visit different groups to see which one you like best. I have found that the vast majority of members who have done the steps and no longer feel to drink, cut down their meetings substantially, two or three a week is common.
I may be powerless over alcohol, but I do not feel like my life has become unmanageable.

This is a common feeling as well, some of us had to go so far down before we felt our lives were unmanageable, we couldn't understand because we still had a job and didn't drink during working hours. I started and stopped AA twice over the years because of that, they told me it would get worse I didn't want to believe them, it took no one wanting to hire me, and eventually being admitted to a psychiatric hospital against my will to convince me, of course I wish I had believed them years before, and I sure hope you do as well. Also how many 'normal' people drink alone at home, no they have coffee or tea or whatever, when they go out perhaps then they drink. So try not to do it and what happens, we feel irritable and discontented, (as Reborn mentioned), so we need to drink to feel 'normal.' And when we try not to drink we usually find we can't manage to, if we can't manage that then at least that part of our life has become unmanageable.

Some of the members can be a little too 'enthusiastic' with the calling and wanting to help, as you say if you are just polite you will do fine, no one should pressure you at all, in AA you are your own boss, and best of luck to you.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
User avatar
Brock
Forums Coordinator
 
Posts: 3174
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 1:45 pm

Next

Return to For the Newcomer

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 6 guests