Fear of speaking and a possible misunderstanding

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Re: Fear of speaking and a possible misunderstanding

Postby clouds » Thu Feb 25, 2016 11:34 am

I had a craving for alcohol for a few months after coming into AA and stopping drinking. I don't remember how many months it lasted. My physical craving didn't go away insantly. That being said, the compulsion to drink, my obsession with drinking, my thoughts about drinking did mostly go away from the first meeting. The few times where thoughts of drinking came into my head, no actual decision or intention to drink was made. Then at about three months I had a strange evening where I decided to drink all the bottles stored in the cupboard. I somehow was saved from acting on it. After that I knew I was safe and protected from drinking. Within those first few months of AA I was starting the steps and had taken Step 3 by then.

At the first AA meeting I went to I got the message of hope. The women there identified the powerlessness condition of alcoholism that I had been experiencing prior to coming to AA. This I accepted and understood at depth. I also understood, from what they read in "How it Works" that it was the end of my dishonest ways. Also, I understood I would be required to do certain steps toward becoming really recovered from drinking, and I realized that this was a spiritual process that required a Higher Power (which I had ignored most of my life).

I was encouraged to read the book of AA, phone some of the members of the group, and continue to get to meetings.
I was ready to listen to how they were staying sober and I was ready to do whatever they suggested by the time that first meeting closed. I am so grateful to a member of AA who 6 months earlier explained to me what AA was. I knew to phone AA when I realized I was not capable of stopping drinking and that I needed help.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: Fear of speaking and a possible misunderstanding

Postby Layne » Thu Feb 25, 2016 11:57 am

I can't really tell you when my need to drink went away. I imagine it probably happened well before six months, I just know that it happened long before I was aware that it had happened. It was no longer a need so it's absence wasn't noticed. I can tell you this, the timing coincided with step work; and that was no coincidence.
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Re: Fear of speaking and a possible misunderstanding

Postby tyg » Sat Feb 27, 2016 4:29 am

I have froze many times speaking or sharing and not two words would come out of my mouth. Then I'd beat myself up, telling myself I'm a loser for freezing up and looking all scared. I just kept applying the spiritual principles and talked to my sponsor & sometimes others. They told me it is not always easy learning to talk freely about our ESH with our alcoholism and recovery. Then they'd say, "How uncomfortable are you willing to be to get comfortable?" They also told me this to will pass if I keep applying these spiritual principles. And, keep doing it and don't give up even if afraid of making mistakes or thinking I look foolish. Today, I seldom get nervous and afraid of expressing & sharing about myself in and out of AA.

Another thing I have learned is, I am not obligated to give hugs to people and it is okay to tell them I don't hug. I have gotten a few offensive responses from not hugging people but...it is not my problem if they don't like it. Saying "No" and be upfront about things has helped me learn to set better boundaries in my life and be truer to myself.
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~
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Re: Fear of speaking and a possible misunderstanding

Postby SWIT » Mon Feb 29, 2016 6:55 am

Glad to hear that you went to a meeting. I think it is important to do what makes you feel comfortable. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have your personal space especially when you are meeting someone for the first time. Good luck with everything.
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Re: Fear of speaking and a possible misunderstanding

Postby clouds » Mon Feb 29, 2016 7:50 am

We're all allowed to negotiate our own personal space.
No where in our program of AA does it say that sobriety depends upon our capacity to talk.

My ESH is that in my case I found I couldn't listen while I was talking or thinking about talking or talking in my head.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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