First Nighter's

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First Nighter's

Postby Dave21043 » Wed Feb 17, 2016 12:32 pm

Hi everyone.

Recently I have been hearing quite a bit about first-nighters vs. frequent fliers. I am a first-nighter and lately many who share make it seem like there is a big respect level between the two. Is there a difference in the level of respect for someone who is a first-nighter?
Best,

David
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Re: First Nighter's

Postby PaigeB » Wed Feb 17, 2016 1:38 pm

I have never heard those terms. Maybe I have had the experience under different or similar terms.

What do you mean?
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Re: First Nighter's

Postby whipping post » Wed Feb 17, 2016 2:40 pm

I'm guessing he means someone who stays sober from the night of their first meeting vs someone who is in and out frequently. I have not seen any difference here locally in how they are treated.
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Re: First Nighter's

Postby Robert R » Wed Feb 17, 2016 3:28 pm

Respect? Seems a strange choice of word under the circumstances. I have come to treat everyone with love who has the desire to stop drinking, whether they have achieved their goal yet or not. Hold the door open for the still suffering alcoholic. Perhaps I am misreading the OP but the use of the word respect in this respect seems judgemental in its use. Hope I am wrong. Has been known. . . regularly :lol:
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Re: First Nighter's

Postby OnPoint » Wed Feb 17, 2016 4:04 pm

whipping post wrote:I'm guessing he means someone who stays sober from the night of their first meeting vs someone who is in and out frequently. I have not seen any difference here locally in how they are treated.

That sounds like a good guess. My guess was that it was another name for someone attending their first meeting.
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Re: First Nighter's

Postby Spirit Flower » Wed Feb 17, 2016 5:17 pm

I have never heard of this in 30 years.
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Re: First Nighter's

Postby ChancesAh » Thu Feb 18, 2016 1:23 am

If he means 'someone who stays sober from the first night' or their first go - I'd say no such person exists. I think we all go through a stage of moderation/realisation/turmoil/confusion/fear - some of us may attend meetings or post whilst this is occurring but I think the stage exists for everyone and is a necessary learning stage. Like everyone and everything it differs in experiences and length for all of us.
I only attended an AA meeting after my 3 month relapse in March last year - but that was a great thing. Had I not relapsed in March it was only a matter of time as whilst I knew I was an alcoholic I hadn't actually accepted or did I have any idea of the concept of sobriety on my life. I merely thought I was giving up alcohol so unbeknownst to me I was waiting for a lesson that needed to come so a real day one could happen.
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Re: First Nighter's

Postby Spirit Flower » Thu Feb 18, 2016 10:56 am

ChancesAh wrote:If he means 'someone who stays sober from the first night' or their first go - I'd say no such person exists. I think we all go through a stage of moderation/realisation/turmoil/confusion/fear - some of us may attend meetings or post whilst this is occurring but I think the stage exists for everyone and is a necessary learning stage. Like everyone and everything it differs in experiences and length for all of us.
I only attended an AA meeting after my 3 month relapse in March last year - but that was a great thing. Had I not relapsed in March it was only a matter of time as whilst I knew I was an alcoholic I hadn't actually accepted or did I have any idea of the concept of sobriety on my life. I merely thought I was giving up alcohol so unbeknownst to me I was waiting for a lesson that needed to come so a real day one could happen.


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Re: First Nighter's

Postby OnPoint » Thu Feb 18, 2016 11:58 am

Spirit Flower wrote:I have been sober since my first AA meeting
Me too. I had been through the whole: trying to control and moderate, trying to quit for good, and wondering why I couldn't stay quit cycle long before I ever heard of the program. When I got to AA I was like "You mean there's help?" "You mean there's a plan?" "Wow, I'm not alone? Really?"
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Re: First Nighter's

Postby Larryp713 » Thu Feb 18, 2016 1:22 pm

I think it probably depends on each person's level of desperation, capacity to be honest, and desire to quit drinking at their first meeting as to whether they even have a chance to stay sober after their first AA meeting. I was court-invited at 24 years old and was not nearly desperate as I would be 20 years later. I could not be honest with anyone or myself, and I did not want to quit drinking, just didn't want to get another DUI. I don't think I had a chance.

If I would have waited until I went on my own, I would probably have gone to AA after my fourth DUI, when I was 33. I was desperate and really wanted to quit drinking. I was willing to do some of the things suggested, but not really ready to be thoroughly honest. I never got a sponsor nor service responsibilities. I built no friendships in the program. From fear alone I stayed sober for over 2 years. But I was not recovered, and when I faced that first drink, I had no defense.

When I returned to AA at almost 44 years old, I was completely broken. No DUI or court order, I just didn't want to live anymore. I walked into a fabulous group and was willing to do what was asked of me. 14 months later, and I am very grateful. I don't think I could have got this the first nine years after I went to my first meeting. When I went to meetings at 33, I might have had a chance. But people there didn't want to be pushy, so nobody really pulled me aside to find out where I was. I would share in meetings, and it felt good. People nodded and related, but they would not talk to me afterward (and of course I wasn't talking to them).

I don't think that would be possible in my current group. Several guys are not shy about pulling you aside and trying to see if you are ready to get real. That is something interesting to ponder... Nobody could have helped me when I was 24, but when I was 33, I think the right AA might have made a difference. I don't think this is vain musings... If I get some inspiration out of this, and try to be that type of AA to newcomers that I see, I will be of greater service. Thanks for the topic... Got my head running now. Larry
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