Here I am Again

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Here I am Again

Postby TBML » Sun Feb 07, 2016 8:19 am

Hey Everyone,

21 years ago when I walked into my first AA meeting my life was a wreck. I knew I had an alcohol problem and I knew I needed to do something about it. In those early days of not drinking I felt great comfort just sitting back listening to the group. I didn't relate to everything everyone said, but the more they talked, the more I saw where my drinking would most likely lead. That was day one of my sobriety.

Fast forward 20 years, and I made the foolish choice of thinking that I had conquered alcohol. A lot of things happened that year, a divorce, death of my mother, and forced retirement from work. I can't really blame them, because I made the choice to start drinking again. Nothing really bad has happened (yet), and I drink far more responsibly than I did when I was 30, but I still see my drinking leading me down a path I do not want to travel again. I see it progressing.... It still controls me, I don't control it.


It's been two weeks, and I've fought off the urge to drink a couple of times so I thought I'd come here and get this off of my chest. I guess I just need a little crutch to help me get over the hump. If this doesn't work, that meeting I went to 21 years ago is still there, I bet some of the same people are too.

Thanks for listening.
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Re: Here I am Again

Postby avaneesh912 » Sun Feb 07, 2016 8:41 am

In the chapter working with others:

Show him, from your own experience, how the queer mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power..


Now with your own story, do you see the in-sanity? You fell victim to the idea that you could control drinking and started that journey to hell again. The queer mental twist is what we alcoholics work and overcome: that insane idea that we could handle alcohol safely.

Deep down within, we need to get convinced that we are alcoholics. Thats the first step in recovery. And then carry out the rest of the program, so you can be safely placed in a position of neutrality.
Last edited by avaneesh912 on Sun Feb 07, 2016 9:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Here I am Again

Postby Robert R » Sun Feb 07, 2016 9:17 am

Thank you for the reminder that I need to keep working it to keep it. In your position I'd be knocking at the nearest meeting door right now.
Praying for you that you make it back my friend.

Robert
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.
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Re: Here I am Again

Postby Reborn » Sun Feb 07, 2016 11:17 am

If you have a big book I would suggest reading the story on page 32 and 33(the man of 30 who stayed abstinent 25 years and started drinking again and died a short time after) "Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic." Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever. If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol.

Its good you are reaching out but as you know you'll have to take some action to regain contented sobriety. I hope you will join us again brother.
We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. BB pg 132
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Re: Here I am Again

Postby ezdzit247 » Sun Feb 07, 2016 2:37 pm

TBML wrote:Hey Everyone,

21 years ago when I walked into my first AA meeting my life was a wreck. I knew I had an alcohol problem and I knew I needed to do something about it. In those early days of not drinking I felt great comfort just sitting back listening to the group. I didn't relate to everything everyone said, but the more they talked, the more I saw where my drinking would most likely lead. That was day one of my sobriety.

Fast forward 20 years, and I made the foolish choice of thinking that I had conquered alcohol. A lot of things happened that year, a divorce, death of my mother, and forced retirement from work. I can't really blame them, because I made the choice to start drinking again. Nothing really bad has happened (yet), and I drink far more responsibly than I did when I was 30, but I still see my drinking leading me down a path I do not want to travel again. I see it progressing.... It still controls me, I don't control it.


It's been two weeks, and I've fought off the urge to drink a couple of times so I thought I'd come here and get this off of my chest. I guess I just need a little crutch to help me get over the hump. If this doesn't work, that meeting I went to 21 years ago is still there, I bet some of the same people are too.

Thanks for listening.


Hi TBML and welcome back.

Congratulations on 2 weeks of sobriety!

That meeting you went to 21 years ago might still be there or it might have outgrown it's space and moved to another location but likely some of the same people you got sober with the first time are still around your area if they haven't moved away. There might even be some who went back out and came back too. Regardless, there's an AA meeting near you and a chair at the table waiting for you to fill it. Glad you found this forum.

Keep coming back.....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: Here I am Again

Postby TBML » Sun Feb 07, 2016 4:11 pm

Nope, I checked, the meeting is still there. Maybe I'll go Tuesday night.

When I quit drinking 21 or so years ago, I was told 'one day at a time', 'don't tell yourself you will never have another drink your entire life, it may be too overwhelming'.

Well, I took that to heart somewhat and told myself that if I could make it twenty years without a drop, maybe I'd see if I could drink responsibly again when I turned 50. I did make it the 20 years w/o touching a drop and I did try drinking again.
I guess my recent experience with it just reinforced what I already knew, that me and drinking don't mix that well.
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Re: Here I am Again

Postby Spirit Flower » Sun Feb 07, 2016 4:37 pm

There is a story in the big book I call "carpet slipper guy." He put up the alcohol until he retired and then died quickly. Starts on page 32.
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Re: Here I am Again

Postby Lali » Sun Feb 07, 2016 9:23 pm

TBML wrote:Hey Everyone,

21 years ago when I walked into my first AA meeting my life was a wreck. I knew I had an alcohol problem and I knew I needed to do something about it. In those early days of not drinking I felt great comfort just sitting back listening to the group. I didn't relate to everything everyone said, but the more they talked, the more I saw where my drinking would most likely lead. That was day one of my sobriety.

Fast forward 20 years, and I made the foolish choice of thinking that I had conquered alcohol. A lot of things happened that year, a divorce, death of my mother, and forced retirement from work. I can't really blame them, because I made the choice to start drinking again. Nothing really bad has happened (yet), and I drink far more responsibly than I did when I was 30, but I still see my drinking leading me down a path I do not want to travel again. I see it progressing.... It still controls me, I don't control it.


It's been two weeks, and I've fought off the urge to drink a couple of times so I thought I'd come here and get this off of my chest. I guess I just need a little crutch to help me get over the hump. If this doesn't work, that meeting I went to 21 years ago is still there, I bet some of the same people are too.

Thanks for listening.


Sounds like there's a part of you that thinks you have it under control. Otherwise you wouldn't have said "Maybe I'll go Tuesday". If there is a meeting tomorrow, why not go to that one and then go to the other on Tuesday. This disease kills.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
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Re: Here I am Again

Postby avaneesh912 » Mon Feb 08, 2016 4:52 am

I took that to heart somewhat and told myself that if I could make it twenty years without a drop


Yes, Thats why when Bill and Bob approached Bill D, they wanted to check if he is serious, if not they will go find another one that would commit to the program of action.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: Here I am Again

Postby clouds » Mon Feb 08, 2016 8:49 am

Hi TBML,

Welcome back!

I hope you will come back into AA thickly this time. That's the 12 steps, a sponsor and meetings.

You are what our primary purpose is all about, to help the still suffering alcoholic.

Feel free to ask questions etc. We like to help newcomers here, returners and anyone who wants to stop drinking.

Its great you have looked up that meeting, of course you can attend any AA meeting, no obligations!

I wasn't able to stop drinking at all without the help of AA. With AA I have been sober a long time. We have a solution to alcoholism that works. Its in the taking of the 12 steps as outlined in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Unfortunatly, when things start going along in life we can become comlplacent and forget we have a hopeless condition that requires a daily maintenance of our spiritual condition. If start thinking we can still handle alcohol or we think we can manage our drink problem ourselves, its easy to see why we fall into the old ways again.

Be assured that if you return to the Steps and take them to the best of your ability your drink problem can and will be removed.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: Here I am Again

Postby Roberth » Mon Feb 08, 2016 10:12 am

Hello TBML and welcome back. I hope your plan works for you but if it was me I would be heading back to the meeting.
Robert
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Re: Here I am Again

Postby TBML » Tue Feb 09, 2016 12:12 pm

Thanks for all of the advice, suggestions etc.
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Re: Here I am Again

Postby TBML » Sun Feb 14, 2016 12:15 pm

Well,

Another week has passed and I'm feeling good. No urges to drink all week. I'm thankful for that.


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Re: Here I am Again

Postby OnPoint » Sun Feb 14, 2016 1:38 pm

Any week without the urge to drink is a good week. When I was new in the program I remember a lady named Jo C. who had 28 years. She used to say "When you have a year you worry about the newcomer. When you have ten years you worry about the people who have a year. When you have been sober as long as I have you worry about letting the people with ten years sobriety drive home from the meeting alone!". The longer I stay sober the more I understand what she meant. The challenges change but they have not disappeared. Today I just try to stay ready for them. Glad you're here.
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Re: Here I am Again

Postby Spirit Flower » Sun Feb 14, 2016 3:27 pm

When you have been sober as long as I have you worry about letting the people with ten years sobriety drive home from the meeting alone!
I didn't go to meetings for about 7 years, for various reasons. But in my 27th year of sobriety, I came upon a situation where I thought, "I am so freaking glad I'm sober." Whereupon, at the earliest opportunity returning states side, I returned to meetings. Now my message is often like this, "I have 30 years of sobriety and am so freaking grateful I have the humility to step into this room." I hope everyone with double digit sobriety stays sober, but also keep showing up.
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