Journey back to sobriety

New to AA? Got questions? Here's the place to ask. Note that no one person speaks "officially" for AA. AA meetings in your local area are always the best source of information. Note that anyone may post and reply to messages in this forum.

Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby 13ickensd » Wed Jan 13, 2016 1:53 am

No one will make this easy! Your choice every day
13ickensd
Forums Newcomer
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 1:32 am

Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby 13ickensd » Wed Jan 13, 2016 1:54 am

tyg wrote:
GreatD wrote:One month in the books...wasn't easy...not all fun...but it was sober


It is a pretty cool deal that we can permanent sobriety and happy contented useful lives. It gets better and the struggles become less. Alcohol was never my problem, a broken spirit was. Once that is fixed, I have a whole new attitude and my reactions to life change. Have you tried some of AA''s activities, gone to their potlucks, round up etc? Check out your local AA Intergoup office, there website will list events going on or call them to inquire. We are not a glum lot. Life gets good without wanting, needing or missing alcohol, no matter our circumstances. Of course that only came true for me by appling these spiritual principles and followed what's outlined in the 164 pages of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Happy dance time in celebration of your month... Woot Woot!!!
13ickensd
Forums Newcomer
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 1:32 am

Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby Brock » Wed Jan 13, 2016 4:07 am

Hello 13ickensd welcome to e-AA. Perhaps you are having trouble using the board, and posting things before you have completed writing. If this is the case ask any questions and we may assist you, but try to resist what you have done on this thread, posting six times rapid fire, (6 posts in 8 minutes), and not saying much is something we discourage. All the best to you.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
User avatar
Brock
Forums Coordinator
 
Posts: 3171
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 1:45 pm

Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby Lali » Wed Jan 13, 2016 7:56 pm

13ickensd wrote:Tosh,
She is trying, but you have to realize you have succumbed to your own thoughts. This is not her it is you, you can be exactly what you want, it's your choice


13ickensd,

If you stick around you will see that much of what Tosh says is tongue in cheek. Along with the great ESH he shares, he provides us with much comic relief!
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
Lali
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 4869
Joined: Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:13 am

Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby 13ickensd » Fri Jan 15, 2016 12:23 am

Well to be honest I wrote a bunch of words that someHow got lost. I am a Mother of 5 kids, super great kids, my husband calls me a functioning alcoholic. I Like Wine. He works away, I have never had family to help, like Mom or Dad (not that I would have ever let my Mother look after my kids). Yet I am present in my life, I do what needs
To be done but recently I need a friend, anyone who cancel relate. I will appreciate any words, thanks
13ickensd
Forums Newcomer
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 1:32 am

Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby ann2 » Fri Jan 15, 2016 1:28 am

Hi, welcome :) I'm so glad you wrote. You are not alone! Those are my first words. That was the precious message that I got when I went to my first A.A. meeting. The feeling of belonging was comforting and the best part was that these people had found something that worked to keep them sober.

I wanted what they had because I was fed up with *having* to drink. I didn't want alcohol to control me anymore.

Here at the e-AA online group we talk about the solution. It's the result of a simple process called taking the steps of recovery. We normally take these actions with the help of meetings and personal contact with other alcoholics, but it's been known to happen online, using literature and a lot of texting in different meeting formats. Here at e-AA we have email meetings, chat meetings and these discussion forums.

I recommend you join us in the women's email meeting. You can sign up using this form:

http://e-aameetings.org/mailman/listinf ... etings.org

Just fill it out and click subscribe, then click on the link that we send you to confirm (it might end up in your spam folder so check there).

Keep writing here and sharing, we are here FOR YOU!

Ann :D
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada
User avatar
ann2
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 8687
Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2004 2:01 am
Location: Somewhere in Sweden

Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby GreatD » Wed Jan 20, 2016 7:54 pm

Looking at this

viewtopic.php?f=12&t=17424

I'm going to have to list myself. I don't think the remorse and self resentment will dissolve. I hang onto regret from years ago most normal people wouldn't even remember.
GreatD
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 34
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2015 8:18 am

Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby Robert R » Thu Jan 21, 2016 1:18 am

Hi GreatD, "Learn from your mistakes and move on" A phrase applicable to normal people certainly did not work for this old alkie. I punished myself mentally over every mistake, human flaw or error i saw in myself. Maybe for hours, sometimes days or weeks and some I never let go of till they were dealt with on progressing through the steps. My experience leads me to believe that resentments against myself are just as serious barriers to serenity as those against others and need worked on with the same vigour.

Hope this helps,
Robert
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.
Robert R
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 269
Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2015 1:53 am
Location: Aberdeenshire, Scotland

Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby tyg » Thu Jan 21, 2016 11:10 am

I don't think the remorse and self resentment will dissolve. I hang onto regret from years ago most normal people wouldn't even remember.
Someday, you will realize that the remorse & resentment has gone. All the promises in the book come true for us and they will for YOU to. There was no way to see how,when or why things would change or even what would change in my life. I had to do the all the work, then I could look back and be amazed at the changes.

I was always reminded by my sponsor, "Don't leave before the miracles happen, by giving up or getting lazy. Work the program like your life absolutely depends on it." My life did depend on following what is outlined in the pages of Alcoholics Anonymous and I needed guidance from another recovered alcoholic to show me how.
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~
User avatar
tyg
Forums Long Timer
 
Posts: 574
Joined: Sun Mar 29, 2015 6:34 pm

Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby GreatD » Wed Feb 03, 2016 9:27 pm

Wife just exploded from left field tonight. I thought we were getting better but apparently not.

Got to take a trip down memory lane of my last 10 years I've been drinking. She doesn't think she will ever trust me again.

Wanted to try counseling, then I said I'd go with her, after a while I got hammered some more for the past and she turned away from counseling idea. Just not a productive conversation, borderline bizarre, and it went round and round in circles.

I'm trying to be humble, I know I made mistakes. I tell her to try to give it time. I state things I'm doing differently. I understand how she can't trust me. I'm not sure there is anything else I can do other than what I'm doing.

At the same time, I'm not living like this forever. Have 1 kid and 1 on the way. I love them to death but not sure if either one of us can live like this. Just frustrating. I thought everything was improving. First time I don't what to do...
GreatD
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 34
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2015 8:18 am

Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby Tosh » Thu Feb 04, 2016 1:17 am

As I keep on saying, Great D, families aren't easy, mate. Some things take time; Mrs Tosh was just as crazy as any spouse could be, considering all that had happened. And she still can be; she's human.

But I'm looking through your backposts, and can't see keywords in there like homegroup, and sponsor, and service, and sponsees, or God even (whatever that means to you). The answer to our problems lie in these places.

Inviting sponsees home to do Big Book stuff - for example - has been a great help to my relationship with Mrs Tosh. Mrs Tosh gets to meet them and finds out a bit more about what A.A. is for (it's about change for me). It also keeps me behaving well because if a sponsee is going to come to my house, I don't want them coming into a toxic atmosphere; I mean how would that look upon ME. :lol:

And we still have our spats. When we do, a cooling off period is necessary, and then a sane chat. If my behaviour has been bad, I'll make an amend for that; just my behaviour. If her behaviour hasn't been great, I don't mention it.

I also make dedicated time where I can be of service to Mrs Tosh too; an old timer once told me that service isn't just for A.A..

Another helpful thing I've found is to use Mrs Tosh as a learning tool. Sometimes I've pretended that she's a 'Buddha in disguise', and she's there to teach me how to be patient, loving, and tolerant in the face of her perceived bad behaviour. I might do that today (I have to work with mine, day in, day out - can you imagine? :shock: ).

And because I don't want to sound like a spiritual guru, there are times, mate, when I'm very human too and I can relate to all that you write. :oops:

Keep trudging and don't do anything daft and don't gloss over those boring old keywords (sponsor, steps, service, sponsees, homegroup, God, etc).

Regards

Tosh
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
User avatar
Tosh
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 3647
Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 10:43 am

Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby GreatD » Thu Feb 04, 2016 7:44 pm

Thank you Tosh. Today was better. Was blindsided last night and needed to vent.

Had a good meeting today... Was about this topic and I didn't even bring it up. Ha

A lot of what I heard were things I already know & said...but there's something about hearing it from
Someone else.

I like my homegroup...great people there...but I'm the youngest one there (and I'm not that young) and not a lot of them have a ring on their finger.

I can't ever see Mrs great welcoming some drunks into her home for a study. It's going to be a long road but I'll lay it one stone at a time.
GreatD
Forums Enthusiast
 
Posts: 34
Joined: Mon Dec 14, 2015 8:18 am

Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby avaneesh912 » Sat Feb 06, 2016 6:39 am

Wife just exploded from left field tonight. I thought we were getting better but apparently not.


For me in our house, it happened once in 4 weeks. Then I ran int Eckhart Tolles work and then I awakened. Also the books says, being with alcoholics for a long period of time, they get their mind warped too. I would suggest some spiritual path for them too. I know we can't force them. For us it happened automatically. Pain forced my wife to find a path that she enjoys. Now I get a free ride in the fellowship of AA un-restricted. I remember, back in my 2nd year, she read something on the internet (you got plenty, those that trash AA!) and literally wanted me out of AA but my counsellor (bless her heart) had faith in AA and said we can't do that and that I have to stick with AA. We would walk out of the counselling sessions more animated and exhausted (LOL). But today its a different story. All because of the 12 steps AA.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
User avatar
avaneesh912
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 4643
Joined: Fri May 30, 2008 12:22 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby whipping post » Sat Feb 06, 2016 7:25 am

It takes time Great D. When I sobered up I was in a hurry. I wanted everything fixed. Someone reminded me it wasn't on my time schedule anymore. We put people through a lot of crap. At least I did. As Avaneesh said they are sick and need to recover as well. And as far as trust? They may never completely trust us again but who could blame them. Some of the best advice I got was to worry about myself and my recovery for awhile and leave the wife alone.
User avatar
whipping post
Forums Contributor
 
Posts: 386
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2014 10:20 am

Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby PaigeB » Sat Feb 06, 2016 1:34 pm

Was blindsided last night and needed to vent.

Maybe she needed to vent too? I think our book says that our years of drinking would make a critic (a cynic?) out of anyone. My husband was confused and fearful for a while... though he never snapped at me, I heard him growl at others behind my back for saying this or that or for bringing alcohol to our home lol. He was sure that I would snap at the first sight of it or something.

I know that fear makes me snap though. Maybe your wife is afraid. I know it is hard to live like that. Maybe she would be interested in Alanon in your area? Maybe not. Either way, you can have compassion for her pain and fear. It is tough. But it may be part of your living amends for all the years of past behavior. Trust me, I am still working on that myself!

"If you want to know how a drunk is doing in the program, ask his family!"
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
User avatar
PaigeB
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 10392
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA

PreviousNext

Return to For the Newcomer

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 9 guests