Journey back to sobriety

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Journey back to sobriety

Postby GreatD » Mon Dec 14, 2015 8:30 am

I've been in and out of the program for years. I had a good run of sobriety and then hopped back on the drink train. I couldn't stop for more than a few days. Alcohol is a cunning and powerful thing. I started being able to drink a little…half pints at a time. Then it progressed to more and more and more. I was spiraling out of control and no one knew but me. It was rough. Honesty has never been my strong suit. Growing up I would lie to make it. I would lie about my alcoholism because it was the only way I could keep drinking. This week I got caught by my wife and I spilled the beans…except I still wasn't honest. I said I've only drank twice in the past 3 years…which is a lie. I don't think she can handle the truth…and I don't think I could handle the ramifications of her knowing. I would risk sprialing out of control again. Maybe there will be a day when I'm strong enough to tell and she's strong enough to know.
Sunday started a new day again. I'm going to a meeting today…I went to one online yesterday. I'm chairing again on another site one day a week. Progress not perfection. I've had this huge burden on my shoulders…hoping come here will relieve it some. At least I can tell somebody.
I can take away a lesson from this experience. I have to put in the work. Nothing will be given to me. My sober runs are the runs where I've gone to meetings and put in the work. My relapses have been due to less of one or none at all. It's not going to be easy, but I'm ready to be sober again. I have so much to live for wife, son, one on the way, decent job…life should be grand now…and alcohol doesn't care.
I'll use this as somewhat of a blog. It'll help me get through the days.
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Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby Brock » Mon Dec 14, 2015 10:21 am

Welcome to e-AA GreatD, and also back to sobriety. Your story is one I relate to, and we have had a good number of alcoholics who have been in the same position speak about it here. I believe stories like this help others by reminding us that relapse does happen, and helps keep us on our toes.

In my own case, my in and out adventures stopped the day I decided that maybe the problem was not doing the steps, all of them, instead of the 1,2,3 dance. Haven't had a problem with temptation in over six years, and a very good life as well. As you said honesty plays a big part in the process, you said - “My sober runs are the runs where I've gone to meetings and put in the work. My relapses have been due to less of one or none at all.” Once by put in the work you mean the steps especially 4 & 5 done honestly holding back nothing, then live by the principles especially in 10 – 12 there would be no reason to relapse in future.

I also think holding back the full extent from your wife is a good move at this time, the books back you up on that as well. Letting us know how you are doing as you go along is a good idea as well, look forward to hearing from you and best of luck.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby clouds » Mon Dec 14, 2015 11:19 am

Welcome GreatD. :)

No need to add to whats been said, the steps do work!

Glad you're here.
" Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house." page 98 A.A.
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Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby Robert R » Mon Dec 14, 2015 11:30 am

Welcome friend, Thank you for sharing, stick around and keep us posted on progress please.
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.
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Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby Niagara » Mon Dec 14, 2015 11:54 am

Welcome GreatD :) Good to have you here!
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month -
Theodore Roosevelt
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Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby PaigeB » Mon Dec 14, 2015 3:32 pm

Keep coming back! It works if you work it! :D
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby GreatD » Tue Dec 15, 2015 7:18 am

Thank you for the replies. I actually feel normal today. Like rested, head not cloudy. I'm going to work steps quickly to get to where I need to be. I've gone through them before. I fail when I stop working them and going to meetings. In a weird way I feel at peace now. First time in months I've felt this way
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Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby Tosh » Tue Dec 15, 2015 7:59 am

GreatD wrote:I fail when I stop working them and going to meetings.


Finding a homegroup, doing service and working with other alkies (sponsoring) is what helps keep me motivated; there's a lot of power to be found in doing that stuff.

Just going to meetings can get boring, a real chore at times, and if I only went to meetings for myself, I think I'd end up not going.

Well done on the sober time and welcome to the forum.

Tosh
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby Robert R » Tue Dec 15, 2015 8:06 am

Thanks for the update GreatD, You stand as an example to newcomers that it only works if we work it. Perhaps saving someone else the pain and torment of relapse.
Wishing you well on your journey.
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.
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Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby GreatD » Wed Dec 16, 2015 7:31 am

Chairing a meeting tonight, looking forward to it.
There is really a zero percent chance id drink this week.
Worried when I have to travel. I know we take it one day at a time, but it's my nature to look ahead and plan. It's easy to say odaat...
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Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby Larryp713 » Wed Dec 16, 2015 10:59 am

Welcome back, and thanks for sharing GreatD. I too had several trips in and out of AA and recovery, but I honestly never worked the program until this last time. I have now seen the blessings and promises described in the Big Book, a true freedom from my addiction to alcohol. I am approaching one year sober (again), and truly feel this is a miracle because when I came in, a week was not possible on my own.
I have an appreciation of the triangle that shows service, unity, and recovery. I accepted service positions like chairing a weekly meeting and serving as a cleanup coordinator. For unity, I stay late after meetings and come early to meetings and fellowship with others. I also try to extend my hand out to the newcomer. And for recovery, I work with a sponsor who keeps me focused on the program of action outlined in the big book. He reminds me when I want to rest on my laurels that it is the work that keeps me in recovery.

E-AA has really helped me stay connected throughout the day, when I am unable to go to a meeting or talk to another alcoholic. I can read through these boards and keep my mind actively considering my own recovery. I wish you well and look forward to reading more from your journey. Larry
Trudging the Road of Happy Destiny!!!
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Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby tyg » Wed Dec 16, 2015 9:44 pm

Online AA, meeting participation and service is a great supplement to my program but for permanent sobriety, contented, useful life. It would have been really hard to recover. I needed to learn how to interact with people, learn how to build relationships, be of service, love, patience, acceptance and get out of self. That took to going to F2F meetings and being in service (being a part of). Virtual reality lacks personal contact that is important for solid recovery. I have tried all sorts of ways and they never worked for me. I only thought I had recovered and gained honestly, humility and willingness (to name a few). But I was in denial, still asleep.

If you want what we have we do what the people in the Big Book did. Some people were loners and didn't have access to meetings. So they worked with another alcoholic (aka sponsor) over snail mail and telephone. Once they learned how to apply the 12 Step principles in their lives they were expected to start a meeting in their hometown and find other alcoholics to help. I hope you won't sell yourself short like I did for so many years with relapse and no solid sobriety.
Go to meetings
Find a sponsor
Take Steps with sponsor
Find other alcoholic to help and show them how to recover
Practice Steps 10 and 11 daily

My last relapse taught me alcohol is going to kill me. I finally realized how important it was to let another alcoholic teach me how to apply these 12 Steps in my daily life. I also, realized I need the fellowship for guidance and support, be of service to and carry the message to others. I didn't want to waste another moment of my life...I had wasted too much time already.
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~
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Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby GreatD » Thu Dec 17, 2015 5:30 pm

thank you both for your words of wisdom
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Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby GreatD » Thu Dec 17, 2015 5:35 pm

Starting to feel the insanity again today. "You got away with it for years, why cant you get away with it for more?". Crazy how after all booze hasn't done for me and threatens to take for me, the thoughts still come into my head for more. At home now, booze free...will go to work in the morning and then a lunch meeting tomorrow.

Reading some of the book tonight and sending some time with the kiddo. I'll be okay today
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Re: Journey back to sobriety

Postby Brock » Thu Dec 17, 2015 5:58 pm

Yes indeed it is amazing the tricks the mind will play on us, until we get ourselves on a solid footing and practice the program. Haven't had a thought like that for quite a number of years, but it doesn’t mean I don't remember them, keep strong and make that meeting tomorrow, maybe listen to a speaker tape, all the best to you GreatD.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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