Day #1

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Re: Day #1

Postby edwardn » Sat Apr 02, 2016 10:14 am

It’s been exactly a year today since I first posted this thread, my how time flies by. A year ago today I was hung over and sick and had had enough of trying to destroy my life; I was full of fear and being consumed by resentments and remorse... I was fortunate in being given another chance in life because had I not been then I don’t where I would be today but I do know I would probably not be sitting here after a year of sobriety writing this letter. I have so much to be grateful for, thanks to my HP, AA and E-AA and all the people who post on this site for helping me.
Sincerely
Edd
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Re: Day #1

Postby Brock » Sat Apr 02, 2016 11:18 am

What a great message thanks for posting it, stuff like that makes all of us more appreciative of the program and life we have, as someone else likes to say, you have put a smile on an old mans face today, all the best to you.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: Day #1

Postby Reborn » Sat Apr 02, 2016 11:49 am

Way to go Ed...these types of things keep my hope tank full...keep trudging my friend!
We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others. BB pg 132
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Re: Day #1

Postby Spirit Flower » Sat Apr 02, 2016 12:28 pm

Congrats Ed
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Re: Day #1

Postby Chelle » Sat Apr 02, 2016 2:13 pm

I wasn't here a year ago, and didn't notice the year on the original post...until the end. What a great message Edd. Thank you for coming back and sharing. Such a cautionary take of what happens to us when we stop AA. Congratulations on the one year. It just made my day!
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Re: Day #1

Postby ezdzit247 » Sat Apr 02, 2016 3:43 pm

Hi Ed

Congratulations on 1 year of sobriety!

Keep coming back....
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: Day #1

Postby EPU » Sun Apr 03, 2016 3:25 am

Ed,

Thanks for the post. Congrats on your year. I identify with a lot of your story, relapse (I had 9 years, and thought - I got this), not getting drunk the majority I drank, but realizing, like you, that I am an alcoholic regardless as I was certainly not in control of when I got drunk (tho wrongfully thought I was). I found in retrospect that I believe I got drunk when I thought things were going well, that I "wanted" or "needed" the fear and loathing of being hungover to put me back in an "appropriate" place. That is pretty unhealthy thinking, I knew I needed to change - that is not drink - and I recently got back in the program.

I find it very helpful to be able to read about people in AA with experiences that I can more directly relate to who are successfully using the program, so many thanks for sharing. And good luck.
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Re: Day #1

Postby edwardn » Sun Apr 03, 2016 9:25 am

Thanks to all and for all another 24 hours of sobriety.

To EPU

I dont know why I went back drinking, I had a ton of excuses but not one good reason. Anything bad that ever happened in my life for as long as I can remember involved drinking so one would think putting two and two together a person would just not drink to end the madness but for me the madness didnt end even when I wasnt drinking because of the fears and resentments I harbored and nourished. My first go in AA was great and it seemed ( now) like I could stay sober as long as I had a group of people around me that I could relate and talk to but I dont think I fully or even grasped at all the idea of a power greater than myself to relieve me of my self will. Being agnostic, (I think) back then I was using the group and people I trusted as my higher power because it was convenient and as long as I was sober I was happy but when I left to work in foreign countries I couldnt take the group with me but like you I also thought to myself ( its ok I got this ) haha... and within a few months I was drinking over there as if I had never heard about AA and was to embarrassed to go to meetings when I came home on my breaks plus hid my drinking from family and friends by not drinking while at home on my breaks... fast forward 10+ years and you know the story from reading this thread... this time I sobered up by not only believing in and turning my self will over to a power greater than myself but also in trusting that greater power to guide me through each moment of the day one day at a time and since then the days just keep getting better as time goes on no matter where I am on the planet... and it certainly helps me having sites like this one to have contact with people such yourself who have had the same experiences as me to relate to.

Best Regards
Edd

Quote:
Thanks for the post. Congrats on your year. I identify with a lot of your story, relapse (I had 9 years, and thought - I got this), not getting drunk the majority I drank, but realizing, like you, that I am an alcoholic regardless as I was certainly not in control of when I got drunk (tho wrongfully thought I was). I found in retrospect that I believe I got drunk when I thought things were going well, that I "wanted" or "needed" the fear and loathing of being hungover to put me back in an "appropriate" place. That is pretty unhealthy thinking, I knew I needed to change - that is not drink - and I recently got back in the program.

I find it very helpful to be able to read about people in AA with experiences that I can more directly relate to who are successfully using the program, so many thanks for sharing. And good luck.
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Re: Day #1

Postby EPU » Sun Apr 03, 2016 10:47 am

Thanks Ed. I started again a few months before moving overseas. I am still an ex pat and expect to be, as I love where I am in Europe and all that it offers now and I think offers for the future. I began again b/c I thought I could, simple as that. I've come to the conclusion I was wrong, and have probably thought that for a bit, but only now have finally decided to act upon it - not willing, finally, to bet my present or future, or the ability to deal with life, on a drink and whether it might lead to getting drunk (the idea of simply thinking that I could have been in a situation like yours was finally enough), and hopefully I will do what I need to do for that to be true. Not sure what motivated the new thinking, but don't care at the moment. Perhaps fear, usually a good motivator for at least initial action, but if the fear starts to leave (parts of me hope it does not actually), I can read posts like yours and others, and will hopefully be going to meetings and actually working the program to a point where there will better thinking and motivations other than fear.

Still early days, but have to start someplace.

Cheers and best wishes.
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Re: Day #1

Postby PaigeB » Sun Apr 03, 2016 11:15 am

Edd! So good to see you and thank you for letting us know you are well. Congrats on a year. Congrats on today! So glad you are sharing your experience, I know that it will save the lives of others!

Keep coming back!
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
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Re: Day #1

Postby Robert R » Mon Apr 04, 2016 2:25 am

Just read through this thread. Wow! Thanks Edd, that is my 'feel good' factor topped up for today. :D
Don't know exactly where I am going but I'm on my way and it's already much better than where I've been.
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Re: Day #1

Postby tyg » Thu Apr 28, 2016 2:34 pm

Congrats on your 1 year Anniversary and sharing your experiences with us!!
~The secret to the AA program is the first three words on page 112~
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Re: Day #1

Postby Hanna » Tue May 03, 2016 6:23 pm

So happy for you Edd, thank you for sharing your story.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace
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