I don't like the person I've become

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Re: I don't like the person I've become

Postby Lali » Tue May 13, 2014 11:26 am

You don't need to think about tomorrow, or this weekend or next week. Those days haven't come and for all you know they never will. Stay in the day. Stay sober just for today. When tomorrow comes, well, you will deal with tomorrow then! It's a pretty neat concept once you get the hang of it!
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
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Re: I don't like the person I've become

Postby chefchip » Tue May 13, 2014 11:34 am

I used to be overwhelmed with the thoughts of never having another drink again. Then I read the book Mike suggested. And did what that book suggested that I do. And today I no longer care about that next drink. A passage from that book:
Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 84-5 wrote:And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality-safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.

Be well,
Chip
The only constant in life is change.
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Re: I don't like the person I've become

Postby WakeUp » Tue May 13, 2014 11:36 am

Thanks all. Mike, I have but have only read a little while at work. I'll keep at it. And I'm going to try to keep my focus on the now and not get too ahead of myself worrying about tomorrow or later. I really do want to get better. I've also made a doctor appointment to see how much damage I've done. As I understand it I need to request a liver enzyme test.

On that note, I'm very hesitant to be completely honest with a doctor as I worry that having alcoholism in my medical file will make it very difficult if not impossible for me to get life insurance, health insurance, etc. in the future. Anyone have any comments or suggestions on this concern?
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Re: I don't like the person I've become

Postby chefchip » Tue May 13, 2014 11:40 am

Well, under the ACA (in the states, since I don't know where you are!) it is no longer legal to deny health coverage due to such conditions as alcoholism and drug addiction. And there are options to life insurance. But my doctor knows everything. It is all in my file. He even recommended one of my rehabs to which I went, and insurance covered. Haven't had a problem with life insurance at all. I might have paid a little more, but that was about it.
The only constant in life is change.
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Re: I don't like the person I've become

Postby WakeUp » Tue May 13, 2014 11:42 am

Thanks Chef, I'm in the states as well, so good info. I appreciate it.
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Re: I don't like the person I've become

Postby Lali » Tue May 13, 2014 7:39 pm

When I got sober, I proudly told my GP how much sober time i had and he put it in his records. Now whenever he refers me to a specialist, they have access to that information and they will usually say something like "Congratulations!" I love filling out forms and being able to check the None box when asked about my alcohol intake. :D Wakeup, I agree that a physical is a good thing to have done after we have spent so many years beating up our organs! The doctor may tell you to be careful with OTC drugs that can be harmful to your liver as well.

I'm glad to hear that you have begun reading "Alcoholics Anonymous". If you need a hard copy, Mike O. will be glad to hand deliver a copy to your mailbox. :lol: I hope you don't mind the lightness of my post. Have no doubt that alcoholism is a serious disease! But I find so much more to laugh about now that I'm sober. Before, I would only laugh at some drunk showing their a#& or at my own special witiness that I thought I had while drunk. The people that I thought were laughing with me were actually laughing AT me.
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Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
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Re: I don't like the person I've become

Postby BlackedOut » Wed May 14, 2014 11:46 pm

I clicked on this message because of the title of it: I don't like the person I become. I'm going to go back and read more of the replies. I'm at that stage as well right now - not liking what I've become. I used to be able to just have a couple of drinks and be done. Now, it seems like I can't stop once I start. But I don't necessarily expect anyone to reply to this, as this is a long thread already and I don't want to change the original subject, but I figured I would respond to this because the person who posted this is not alone.
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Re: I don't like the person I've become

Postby ann2 » Thu May 15, 2014 4:25 am

BlackedOut wrote:the person who posted this is not alone.


You know it. Glad to have you aboard.

Ann
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Re: I don't like the person I've become

Postby Hanna » Thu May 15, 2014 5:05 am

Welcome here BlackedOut, your not alone either, we are all here to help each other. We have been where you are now and have come through it with the help of AA. We stay to offer experience, strength and hope to the next suffering alcoholic. Hope you stay with us.
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Re: I don't like the person I've become

Postby WakeUp » Thu May 15, 2014 8:19 am

As weird as it may sound, reading the posts on this forum are in a strange way comforting. This condition (for me at least) feels so isolating, so it is comforting to see that there are others in the same boat, and even more comforting is to see others that WERE in the same boat who are now in a much better place.
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Re: I don't like the person I've become

Postby Tosh » Thu May 15, 2014 8:37 am

WakeUp wrote:As weird as it may sound, reading the posts on this forum are in a strange way comforting. This condition (for me at least) feels so isolating, so it is comforting to see that there are others in the same boat, and even more comforting is to see others that WERE in the same boat who are now in a much better place.


Well if you find some comfort on an interweb recovery forum, just imagine what you might find at a face-to-face A.A. meeting, sat right next to folk who're in the same boat as yourself. Interesting analogy too, the 'boat'; a similar one is used in our Big Book.

We are average Americans*. All sections of this country and many of its occupations are represented, as well as many political, economic, social, and religious backgrounds. We are people who normally would not mix. But there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful. We are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joyousness and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to Captain's table. Unlike the feelings of the ship's passengers, however, our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways. The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined.

The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism.


*I'm a Geordie from the UK, but I understand the sentiment. :mrgreen:
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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Re: I don't like the person I've become

Postby BlackedOut » Sun May 18, 2014 9:41 am

WakeUp wrote:As weird as it may sound, reading the posts on this forum are in a strange way comforting. This condition (for me at least) feels so isolating, so it is comforting to see that there are others in the same boat, and even more comforting is to see others that WERE in the same boat who are now in a much better place.


Yes, it's helped me, too. I've only been involved on this forum for about a week now (almost a week) and it has helped immensely. I'm looking forward to making new friends on here and hoping at some point I'll have the courage to go to a face-to-face meeting. It's hard not having a car, too. (I did, but someone I lived with messed it up.)
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Re: I don't like the person I've become

Postby WakeUp » Wed Sep 17, 2014 1:06 pm

Hi everyone. It's been a few months since I posted so I thought I'd check in again. Unfortunately I don't have progress to report. I haven't attended a meeting. I haven't really done anything and not surprisingly things are not any better. In fact I think I am sliding. I'm worried about how much farther this can go before it is too late. I feel like I am pissing my life away.

I know you will say go to meetings so let me explain why I haven't. First I am a professional that deals with the public and I am worried that "outing myself" could damage my career. Second I worry about the impact to my family if I out myself in the community as an alcoholic. By all outward appearances I am healthy and normal, but in reality I am far from it. I suspect the consensus will be that those reasons are absurd, or maybe that they are a better choice than the alternative, and I don't disagree.

I'm just feeling really frustrated, depressed, hopeless, pick your negative adjective and wanted to vent.
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Re: I don't like the person I've become

Postby ezdzit247 » Wed Sep 17, 2014 1:39 pm

WakeUp wrote:Hi everyone. It's been a few months since I posted so I thought I'd check in again. Unfortunately I don't have progress to report. I haven't attended a meeting. I haven't really done anything and not surprisingly things are not any better. In fact I think I am sliding. I'm worried about how much farther this can go before it is too late. I feel like I am pissing my life away.

I know you will say go to meetings so let me explain why I haven't. First I am a professional that deals with the public and I am worried that "outing myself" could damage my career. Second I worry about the impact to my family if I out myself in the community as an alcoholic. By all outward appearances I am healthy and normal, but in reality I am far from it. I suspect the consensus will be that those reasons are absurd, or maybe that they are a better choice than the alternative, and I don't disagree.

I'm just feeling really frustrated, depressed, hopeless, pick your negative adjective and wanted to vent.


Hi WakeUp and welcome back.

There are many many closed, private, unlisted AA meetings for people in certain professions--psychologists, doctors, nurses, dentists, lawyers, judges, law enforcement, professional athletes, celebrities, etc in the southern California area--people whose careers might be compromised should their anonymity be broken. I'm guessing most large urban areas also have these types of AA meetings. Would you be comfortable attending these types of closed AA meetings?
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Re: I don't like the person I've become

Postby Lali » Wed Sep 17, 2014 2:16 pm

WakeUp wrote:I suspect the consensus will be that those reasons are absurd, or maybe that they are a better choice than the alternative, and I don't disagree.


Yes, you must have read my mind. My standard response to a post like yours is that alcoholism is progressive. If you have not yet lost clients or embarrassed your parents, that day will likely come if you don't get and stay sober. People will think better of you if you are sober and getting help in AA than if you continue to drink because you fear being seen in an AA meeting.

P.S. I don't know if people who are arrested in your area have their mug shots and reason(s) for arrest published but where I now live, they do. Fortunately, for my parents, I lived in another state when I was arrested (3 times for alcohol related offenses).
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him
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