Pregnant.

New to AA? Got questions? Here's the place to ask. Note that no one person speaks "officially" for AA. AA meetings in your local area are always the best source of information. Note that anyone may post and reply to messages in this forum.
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ann2
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Re: Pregnant.

Post by ann2 » Fri Mar 28, 2014 8:49 am

Hi again. Where to start is just where you are. One thing at a time. It will lead to the next, and the next. We don't have to work everything out to start with. That kind of management is part of our illness, if you can believe it.

From my perspective we got an emergency situation here, with just one thing to take care of. You have started the process by coming here and letting us offer feedback. Keep the ball rolling. Start that conversation today with someone who can help today with not drinking today.

Ann
"If I don't take twenty walks, Billy Beane send me to Mexico" -- Miguel Tejada

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PaigeB
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Re: Pregnant.

Post by PaigeB » Fri Mar 28, 2014 9:42 am

Whether you go to your doctor or not is up to you. Have you been involved with Child Protective Services before? That might make a difference and some doctors WILL see this as a "mandatory reporting" situation.

Either way, we know AA can help the drinker who wants to stop and it sounds like you do. Given the time sensitive situation I waive my personal defect of giving advice when I am not qualified... but I am going to guess I am not going to say anything you don't already know.

Go to a meeting today and grab a woman and ask her to be your sponsor. Get women's phone numbers and use them. Do it now. Do not drink today.

Drinking past the point where you know it is a problem will surely be seen as "abusive" CPS. Getting help will be seen in a better light, though CPS tends to see the negative side of things. You can't take yesterday back and I do not know anything a doctor can do about yesterday. If you stop now you may be stopped in time - but I know nothing medically about that. Go to a meeting every day and twice on Saturday!

You could call Heart of Iowa. I do not know if there are others around the country or not and I do not know if they are likely to call CPS. Maybe the Heart will have a room for you?

If you find you cannot stop drinking today, you might have to call CPS on yourself and ask for their help. The sooner the better for the baby.
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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ezdzit247
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Re: Pregnant.

Post by ezdzit247 » Fri Mar 28, 2014 2:08 pm

ezdzit247 wrote:
You've clearly stated that you're aware of the harmful physical and mental impacts your drinking any alcohol while pregnant may have on on the child you're carrying and that you cant seem to stop drinking, but you have not stated anywhere in your post that you wanted to stop drinking. Do you have a desire to stop drinking?
threepointonefour wrote:
I do have that desire to stop. I have for 7 years now. But stopping with my first was easy. Does alcoholism get stronger and the ability to stop decrease as we age?
Good. The AA program only works for people who have a desire to stop drinking and now you have clearly stated that you do have a desire to stop drinking.

Yes, the disease of alcoholism, i.e. addiction to alcohol, is progressive and gets stronger over time. Conversely, the ability of an alcoholic to resist his/her addiction to alcohol by not taking that first drink becomes weaker over time. Biochemical researchers are working on a promising theory that posits this happens because people who drink too much booze destroy their body's natural D2 (dopamine) receptors and become unable to "feel good" other than by drinking alcohol. IOW, the will power struggle with your alcohol addiction you have experienced as getting tougher over time is not imaginary and it is likely to get even tougher.

When you say you've been drinking a "pint" (sometimes two "pints) a week, do you mean a pint of beer, wine, or bourbon?
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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ezdzit247
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Re: Pregnant.

Post by ezdzit247 » Fri Mar 28, 2014 3:56 pm

threepointonefour wrote: I know AA is religious-based, but I am an atheist. I don’t find strength in praying to a God. I hope I am not shunned from this group for that. Regardless of my atheism, I would send my daughter to a catholic school if the overall education was better. Im here because I think this group would be more helpful than other groups.
A lot of outsiders and newcomers assume AA is "religious-based" because it is based on the presumption that God, as you understand him, does exist. AA's program of 12 Steps to a "spiritual awakening" and recovery from alcoholism also presumes there is such a thing as esoteric knowledge (gnosis) which actually makes AA the antithesis of religion. Gnosis has been generally regarded as heretical by organized religion and people who follow this 3000 year old path have historically been condemned as heretics by most Christian religions, Talmudic Judaism, and all sects of Islam except Sufism. That said, it is a good thing to remember that AA is full recovering alcoholics who are at different stages of sobriety and spiritual development....just like you. If you ever happen to go to an AA meeting where there is more talk about "God stuff" than you are comfortable with, or if someone breaks AA Traditions by trying to push their version of a god on you, head for the exit, walk out and find another meeting.
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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ezdzit247
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Re: Pregnant.

Post by ezdzit247 » Fri Mar 28, 2014 5:39 pm

threepointonefour wrote: I do have that desire to stop. I have for 7 years now.....
Here's a short excerpt from a book called “The Heart of Man”, by Erich Fromm, renowned author, social psychologist, and atheist, that might clarify why the disease of alcoholism really has nothing to do with will power and why making the decision to accept "help from others" in AA will give you the support you need to get sober and stay sober....one day at a time.

“....Our capacity to choose changes constantly with our practice of life. The longer we continue to make the wrong decisions, the more our heart hardens; the more often we make the right decision, the more our heart softens - or better perhaps, comes alive......Each step in life which increases my self-confidence, my integrity, my courage, my conviction also increases my capacity to choose the desirable alternative, until eventually it becomes more difficult for me to choose the undesirable rather than the desirable action. On the other hand, each act of surrender and cowardice weakens me, opens the path for more acts of surrender, and eventually freedom is lost. Between the extreme of when I can no longer do a wrong act and the extreme when I have lost my freedom to right action, there are innumerable degrees of freedom of choice.

In the practice of life the degree of freedom to choose is different at any given moment. If the degree of freedom to choose the good is great, it needs less effort to choose the good. If it is small, it takes a great effort, help from others, and favorable circumstances....Most people fail in the art of living not because they are inherently bad or so without will that they cannot lead a better life; they fail because they do not wake up and see when they stand at a fork in the road and have to decide. They are not aware when life asks them a question, and when they still have alternative answers. Then with each step along the wrong road it becomes increasingly difficult for them to admit that they are on the wrong road, often only because they have to admit that they must go back to the first wrong turn, and must accept the fact they they have wasted energy and time.”
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Lali
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Re: Pregnant.

Post by Lali » Fri Mar 28, 2014 7:04 pm

So, threepoint, what is your plan? Do you have a trusted friend who can provide support to you and help you get to your doctor?
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

Nancy NC
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Re: Pregnant.

Post by Nancy NC » Sat Mar 29, 2014 7:13 am

ezdzit247 wrote: Good. The AA program only works for people who have a desire to stop drinking and now you have clearly stated that you do have a desire to stop drinking.

Yes, the disease of alcoholism, i.e. addiction to alcohol, is progressive and gets stronger over time. Conversely, the ability of an alcoholic to resist his/her addiction to alcohol by not taking that first drink becomes weaker over time. Biochemical researchers are working on a promising theory that posits this happens because people who drink too much booze destroy their body's natural D2 (dopamine) receptors and become unable to "feel good" other than by drinking alcohol. IOW, the will power struggle with your alcohol addiction you have experienced as getting tougher over time is not imaginary and it is likely to get even tougher.

When you say you've been drinking a "pint" (sometimes two "pints) a week, do you mean a pint of beer, wine, or bourbon?
HI threepoint, I agree with others that this sounds like an emergency situation. You really need to get some help right away. The sad truth is you might have already done damage to the baby. Hopefully you can stop drinking now before it gets worse. Your concerns of CPS getting involved are valid, but if you are really concerned about the health of your baby, it should not matter. You want to do what is best for the baby, and that might mean the best thing is to have the baby taken away. I know that is harsh, but it is reality. One of the many harsh realities of this horrible disease.

I am quoting ezdzit247 here because I was just about to say what she said. Yes the disease of alcoholism is progressive, the ability to resist taking a drink gets weaker over time while the urge to drink gets stronger.

I think her question about what you drink is also important. Are you drinking a pint of beer or hard alcohol each week? It sounds like you are binging on weekends. Binging/drinking a lot at one time while pregnant is actually worse than if you drank a glass of wine each night.

You also say that people around you don't know that you are drinking. How can you be sure of that? People close to you surely can smell it on you when you are drinking. Are you living with the father of the baby? If so, it is very likely that he knows.

Please keep coming back and talking to us here. I am certainly worried about you and I am sure others here are too. I am not religious, but I will add you to my prayers.

Lali
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Re: Pregnant.

Post by Lali » Sat Mar 29, 2014 7:28 am

I just want to reiterate the very real possibility that your baby will be taken away when the doctors realize it has FAS. Therefore, wouldn't it be better if you just admitted to the doctor that you have been drinking and want very much to stop. That will certainly make you look better in the eyes of CPS and increase your chances of getting your baby back and soon as you accumulate some sober time. So to put off getting help would be a bad decision IMO. So, again I ask, what is your plan?
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

threepointonefour
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Re: Pregnant.

Post by threepointonefour » Mon Mar 31, 2014 12:30 pm

Everyone:

Thank you for your words and supportive gestures. It does mean a lot. I have been thinking about what the “plan” will be, and I am struggling. Right now, Im just focusing on simply just fighting it, myself. I am overly independent, and this most likely will not help. But for 7 years, I have never even made it this far. For me, joining here, and talking with you all has already helped me. This is day 5 of sobriety for me. I made it thru a weekend, a payday weekend, no less (I get paid twice monthly). I am not celebrating, though. Just simply taking it one day at a time. Every morning, my goal is to not drink that day. I don’t set myself up for making a goal of not drinking this week.. I prefer one day at a time.

Should I already have a plan in place for myself, or is this something that the Big Book will guide me through? A lot of you say that meetings are the only way, or a good first step. I must admit, talking verbally is not something that allows me to get my true feelings out. I would rather write it in order to really express myself (I have always been like that). Fear #2 is the reaction I will get from the people at the meetings when they see a pregnant girl walk in. Third, I know a lot of people that go to meetings in my city and I do not want them to know that I am pregnant and drinking. Are they sworn by oath, or some other means, to not tell other people about me? I live in a small town, an hour away from a larger town. I do not have the money to drive an hour each way to a larger city for meetings. Are meetings really the only way? Is the fact that I’m here enough to get me through?

I feel more confident that I have in a long time about sobriety. That may mean nothing, but its sure better than not feeling any confidence at all. Isnt it? I keep reading about FAS, and the more I read about it, the more determined I am to keep it up.

I never know the feedback I will get when I make a post on this board. I feel like I will get positive feedback for how far I have made it for the past 5 days, but I also cannot help but to expect some backlash for not going to a meeting.

BTW, it would be a pint of rum or vodka.

strider
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Re: Pregnant.

Post by strider » Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:17 pm

There are on-line meetings as well -- please look into coming on for those. They are available for those of us who cannot get to a face-to-face meeting, for whatever reason.

Strider

Lali
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Re: Pregnant.

Post by Lali » Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:37 pm

have you thought of going to a treatment facility. You wouldn't be able to drink while youre there and I think most of the facilities bring in AA meetings.
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

Mary
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Re: Pregnant.

Post by Mary » Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:41 pm

If you really want to stop drinking go to a real life face to face meeting....I worry sometimes (i dont lie awake worrying) that online meetings are just enabling people to not GET REAL. I hope you find the help you need. I know women who drank while pregnant and then found recovery...lots of differing stories regarding their babies from perfectly fine to not so fine...dont think that just because you have been drinking already that the damage is already done...it may not be too late.

threepointonefour
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Re: Pregnant.

Post by threepointonefour » Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:56 pm

Treatment facility would be fine, except for the fact that I have only had my job for 6 months (got pregnant two weeks after starting) and that I am the sole provider for my daughter. I cant lose my house, and she would have no where to go :(

I dont want online AA to be my deterrent for going to meetings.. but I think that it is better than nothing at all. I still have confidence, and I am still banking on the fact that educating myself on the dangers of what I have done will help me continue my sobriety.

Kepp the encouragement coming..

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Re: Pregnant.

Post by threepointonefour » Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:57 pm

Mary wrote:If you really want to stop drinking go to a real life face to face meeting....I worry sometimes (i dont lie awake worrying) that online meetings are just enabling people to not GET REAL. I hope you find the help you need. I know women who drank while pregnant and then found recovery...lots of differing stories regarding their babies from perfectly fine to not so fine...dont think that just because you have been drinking already that the damage is already done...it may not be too late.
Any idea how much those women were drinking?

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Re: Pregnant.

Post by Lali » Mon Mar 31, 2014 1:59 pm

The father to be is out of the picture? Do you have a sister or a mother who is supportive of you and willing to help out? Is your job going to give yoiu 6 weeks maternity leave?
Step 1: I can't
Step 2: He can
Step 3: I think I'll let him

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