Oh,I feel the need to get straight!!!

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Re: Oh,I feel the need to get straight!!!

Postby Blue Moon » Sun Jun 16, 2002 5:33 am

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Squale:<BR><STRONG>I am scared S*** to make a decision that will guaranteed bring me "HELL" for a while.It will also **** things up for my borderline "good" family life.Wife,boys,parents,in-laws,outlaws,hell everyone will feel the impact of the funny(actually hilarious) guy turn into a miserable bastard with no humor!!!(temporary "they" say).Awww crap</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hi,<P>A couple of thoughts. First, regarding the "guaranteed" hell, that's not a guarentee. Some quit drinking and feel much better as a result. What is a certainty is if you carry on as you are then the real hell will come. Carry on drinking and using, and I'll guarantee your troubles today are a pebble in the ocean compared to how bad it'll get.<P>The other thought, regarding the "funny" individual, if you want to wreck your life for the sake of being a clown there's perhaps little anyone else can say. I suspect the closest members of your family would privately be very relieved to see you quit the self-destruction. The fact they've not said as such doesn't mean they're not thinking it, it just perhaps means they're too scared of how you'll react.<P>If you aren't miserable today, I'm curious to know why you're posting to a recovery group. This is all about recovery from the misery and living hell of active alcoholism.<P>I've been where you are. Zoloft is no answer if you're still drinking/using. That's like trying to use a band aid on a shot-gun wound to the stomach. Perhaps you feel the same void that I once felt, and felt the need to drink to fill it. I don't drink today, and yet the void is full. For me, this is as a direct result of working the AA program.<P>Why me? Why not?
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Re: Oh,I feel the need to get straight!!!

Postby Susan » Sun Jun 16, 2002 7:26 am

Wow. :) <P>Happy Trails,
Happy Trails ~

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Re: Oh,I feel the need to get straight!!!

Postby Leonard(o), Puerto Rico » Sun Jun 16, 2002 2:23 pm

SQUALE....I feel what you described....especialy the terror of "what's NEXT!" The sense of "going crazy" trying to "fix" myself, trying so hard to be O.K. and not "snapping." Trying to stay NORMAL and not die from the terror, disorientation and sickliness of my OWN doing! I was feeling so smothered, and trapped/addicted while trying to FUNCTION normally, be happy, be responsible, keep everyone else happy....and be a NEAT PERSON and a GREAT WORKER! THAT IS HELL! I sat in my living room at 3:00 in the morning, drinking, wanting to kill myself because I was so EMOTIONALLY ILL, FRUSTRATED AND DEPRESSED...I couldn't go ON! At the same time HORRIFIED I was going to DIE! I was alone...<BR>I prayed my brains out....I went to sleep...I went to work the next day and tried not to drink that day...same next, same next....a co-worker came into my office and said "I noticed you aren't drinking" (Holy S*** I thought)....she said "you will drink again, if you don't go to AA." She had been on the program for three years, she took me to my first meeting....I went because, I KNEW SHE WAS RIGHT....I KNEW ME! I went to AA because they knew what was going on with ME, they were like ME! I slept so good, my body repaired itself (in fact, my body went into HAPPY SHOCK and kicked right in with a healthy self-rehabilitation mode). I'm 58 today and I was 35 when I had that last drinking/using/BLACK DESPAIRING night....I hope you find your last night.....until then, keep coming back....keep talking, keep wondering...tell the truth about what you're up to....and we will tell you TOO! Be the person you are MEANT to BE! GOOD LUCK and GOD BLESS!
Unfortunately, logic and reason have no impact on prejudice, bigotry, fear, and hate.
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Re: Oh,I feel the need to get straight!!!

Postby Leonard(o), Puerto Rico » Tue Jun 18, 2002 7:29 pm

Hi Squale, welcome back! I've been looking for you and I'm glad to see you "checking in" and keeping us aware of your approach to stopping the illness you described. I wanted to mention something I think is important... Do this sobriety thing for YOU!....imagine how it will be when you start feeling better, sleeping better and gaining inner peace of MIND.....and a FEELING of WELL BEING. The WEIRDNESS and DISTORTION will fade away....your nerves will calm down, everything will get better. That's the part I liked the best about sobriety....feeling NORMAL again, feeling like a happy, vital and regular guy instead of a daily participant in a train wreck (on the critical list)! I wanted to escape from all the sick "panic like/suffocating" emotional stuff....I wanted to BREATH AGAIN, NOT THINK ABOUT NEUROTIC NUTSINESS and mentally SNAPPING. I stopped drinking, started sleeping, eating right....my body started to repair.....what a RELIEF! I thought I was going crazy and it turned out it was the ABUSE and the lack of SLEEP! You are a young guy, you have a physically active job (construction) and most likely will start "clearing" pretty fast. I can feel what you described....the "obsession" to drink must be arrested, stopped, tromped on, lifted, abandoned, asassinated....it will happen!<BR>Cindy is giving you great advice. Working with your Doctor on your medication seems very wise....telling the truth to us and your Doctor...and it's HONEST! Not "covering" and not "hiding" the real facts about your "drinking situation" and "pretending" everything is FINE (when you're DYING inside). This is HEALTHY thinking! Talking about the reality of "what's going on" is essential....no secrets is GREAT! As Alcoholics, we can identify with YOU because we have done the same kind of things you are doing...We understand you and what you are experiencing and how you feel! By-the-way, how are you feeling? <P>I look forward to your next report to our sort'a underground e-aa world! I hope soon! I'll be watching daily!<P>GOOD LUCK, GOD BLESS, Len
Unfortunately, logic and reason have no impact on prejudice, bigotry, fear, and hate.
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