Higher power

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Jordanmarie
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Higher power

Post by Jordanmarie » Wed Jun 12, 2019 6:26 pm

I fumbled and drank Monday night. I feel terrible. Even my body. And I'm having so much anxiety, even today (Wednesday) and I didn't even drink as much as I have in previous "fumbles".

1. How do you make yourself encouraged again? I feel pathetic and scared.

2. I'm praying to my higher power many times a day. Would anyone pray to theirs for me too? I feel I need the help.

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Brock
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Re: Higher power

Post by Brock » Wed Jun 12, 2019 7:05 pm

I am very sorry this happened, and that you are suffering as a result. Things like this can be a valuable lesson, it shows that we are powerless over drink, and even though you drank less than last time you feel worse, proving that it is a progressive disease.

When you say how bad you feel, pathetic and scared, please try to turn this into the encouragement you now need, you don’t want to feel like this. And certainly I will say a prayer for you and all suffering alcoholics just now, but we must remember, that whatever God or higher power we believe in, the saying ‘God helps those who help themselves’ applies. We have to do the steps of AA, if not we are certain to repeat what has happened to you over and over again. May the God of your understanding comfort you, and hold you in his loving arms tonight.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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Chelle
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Re: Higher power

Post by Chelle » Wed Jun 12, 2019 7:27 pm

Hi Jordanmarie,
Please dont quit quitting. Coming back here and tell on yourself is big. Many do not have the courage to do that, and never make it back.

For me, I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to be drunk, and was willing to do whatever it took to stay away from that first drink. Call someone, read the book, get to a meeting, post here. Anything BEFORE you drink.

I drank again after 18 months. I know how you feel. I felt encouraged by going to as many meetings as possible, working the steps, close contact with my sponsor and not counting days...Basically I went back to doing what worked the first time. Time takes time. Just focus on doing the next right thing.

You are in my prayers.

D'oh
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Re: Higher power

Post by D'oh » Wed Jun 12, 2019 7:44 pm

Jordanmarie wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 6:26 pm
I fumbled and drank Monday night. I feel terrible. Even my body. And I'm having so much anxiety, even today (Wednesday) and I didn't even drink as much as I have in previous "fumbles".

1. How do you make yourself encouraged again? I feel pathetic and scared.

2. I'm praying to my higher power many times a day. Would anyone pray to theirs for me too? I feel I need the help.
Did you Learn anything from the Slip?

Like, Was alcohol the answer? Cure anything? Taste any different? Help in anyway? Obviously it didn't make you feel any better!

Even the Big Book states Try some controlled, it might be worth some Bad case of the Jitters, "If we Learn Something from it."

Jordanmarie
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Re: Higher power

Post by Jordanmarie » Thu Jun 13, 2019 8:10 am

I kept telling myself that night that I would stop at 2. I thought I would. I thought I would just have moderation, but I didnt. I was alone at home and kept going. I suppose I learned that I cannot be one that sticks to moderation. I just need to be dry for the rest of my life.

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PaigeB
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Re: Higher power

Post by PaigeB » Thu Jun 13, 2019 10:11 am

There is no moderation with allergy. I cannot take so much as one aspirin or my throat swells up and I DIE.

It is not so different with alcohol, but the death is slower most of the time. Our allergy to alcohol does not swell our throats (except maybe with tears) - but rather we get what The Doctor's Opinion calls "Phenomenon of Craving"... Like a potato chip - I can't eat just one! We take any alcohol whatever into our bodies and the craving sets in. MORE MORE MORE!!!

Of course, who WANTS just one drink? Never understood those folks. They never understood me either.
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

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Brock
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Re: Higher power

Post by Brock » Thu Jun 13, 2019 10:33 am

Jordanmarie wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 8:10 am
I suppose I learned that I cannot be one that sticks to moderation. I just need to be dry for the rest of my life.
I felt the same way at first, I will have to stay dry, what did I do to deserve such a fate, oh crap maybe it’s better to just drink and die. But then I saw some folks in AA who were laughing and smiling, saying they were happy to be alcoholics, don’t miss drink one bit, if they could drink like a normal person they still wouldn’t, and I figured they must be lying, or at least fooling themselves.

But I did the steps and became one of them, the feeling to drink disappeared, and I got a wonderful new outlook on life, and maybe newcomers might be secretly thinking like I was, he’s lying. Please try to believe it’s no lie or exaggeration, do the steps the feeling to drink will disappear, and a smile will appear.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

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avaneesh912
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Re: Higher power

Post by avaneesh912 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 7:18 pm

I suppose I learned that I cannot be one that sticks to moderation.

Yes, the craving part keeps us going after we take a drink or two. But the issue is with the mind. I always comes up with a grand idea that this time it will be different.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)

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PaigeB
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Re: Higher power

Post by PaigeB » Sun Jun 16, 2019 9:38 am

Jordanmarie wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 8:10 am
I kept telling myself that night that I would stop at 2. I thought I would. I thought I would just have moderation, but I didnt. I was alone at home and kept going. I suppose I learned that I cannot be one that sticks to moderation. I just need to be dry for the rest of my life.
Here is a Daily Reflection that gave me a LOT of HOPE
June 15th
MAKING A.A. YOUR HIGHER POWER

". . .You can . . . make A.A. itself your higher power. Here's a very large group of people who have solved their alcohol problem. . . . many members . . have crossed the threshold just this way. . . . their faith broadened and deepened. . . . transformed, they came to believe in a Higher Power".

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 27-28

No one was greater than I, at least in my eyes, when I was drinking.
Nevertheless, I couldn't smile at myself in the mirror, so I came to A.A. where, with others, I heard talk of a Higher Power. I couldn't accept the concept of a Higher Power because I believed God was cruel and unloving.
In desperation I chose a table, a tree, then my A.A. group, as my Higher Power.
Time passed, my life improved, and I began to wonder about this Higher Power.
Gradually, with patience, humility and a lot of questions, I came to believe in God. Now my relationship with my Higher Power gives me the strength to live a happy, sober life.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
Step 6 is "AA's way of stating, the best possible attitude one can take in order to make a beginning on this lifetime job... with most of them we shall have to be content with patient improvement." 12&12 Step Six, p.65

Walker580
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Re: Higher power

Post by Walker580 » Sun Jun 16, 2019 6:56 pm

Higher Power;
Well I will say this, every one has made mistakes before and from my knowledge no one is perfect. Your feelings of sadness is a good thing. I said that because at least you feel something is wrong. When you don't feel anything or care about it is when you should worry. I will keep you in my prayers, Amen🙏

Jordanmarie
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Re: Higher power

Post by Jordanmarie » Mon Jun 17, 2019 8:07 pm

@all

Thank you all for the kindness and prayers. I'm attending my first meeting tomorrow after work. I'm still sober from my last "fumble" seven days ago.

I received an online pdf copy of the big book and the 12 steps and traditions. Do you guys recommend finishing one and then moving on to the other, or should I read a chapter of both each day? It's a lot of material but I believe this will help me stay away from that first drink. Again, going to my first live meeting tomorrow.

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Chelle
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Re: Higher power

Post by Chelle » Mon Jun 17, 2019 8:17 pm

Im glad you are still here and sober. Good to hear you will be going to a meeting. My sponsor had me read only the big book when i was just getting started. I picked up the 12&12 after I completed the steps. Its a lot of reading. Im glad she kept me in the first 164 pages of the big book in the beginning. I had to stick to the basics and didnt want to be overwhelmed with too much information. Hope that helps =biggrin

innermost
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Re: Higher power

Post by innermost » Wed Jun 19, 2019 2:18 pm

Like Chelle said.

The first 164 pg. of the book Alcoholics Anonymous is the basic text of the program.

It is best to work it like a workbook, with someone that has worked it.

You can familiarize yourself with it by reading it. Keeping in mind you may want to ask yourself
questions while reading. Honestly asking if what your reading applies to your life, looking at yourself in a searching
and fearless way. Also if you have a concept of a higher power, you can ask to be illuminated by the reading.
You also may want to take notes on things that stick out and use a dictionary on some words.

This is a program of action.

There are also great speakers on the internet that deal with the 164 pgs. of the Big Book.
I have found this form of listening a valuable set of tools that broaden the Big Book for me.

Of course this is only suggestions from tidbits of my experience.

My Higher Power is on it, HP never fails when we surrender and become willing.
The first 164 pg. is the program!

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Brock
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Re: Higher power

Post by Brock » Wed Jun 19, 2019 4:09 pm

innermost wrote:
Wed Jun 19, 2019 2:18 pm
There are also great speakers on the internet that deal with the 164 pgs. of the Big Book.
I have found this form of listening a valuable set of tools that broaden the Big Book for me.
Me too. I never knew such a thing existed before I came here and heard about it, for some reason these speakers aren’t mentioned often in meetings. I found you tube the easiest way to search, just putting in ‘AA speakers’ brings up a wide choice. Sandy B gives some good talks on spirituality, fellows like Peter M, and my favorite the straight no nonsense talker Chris R, and of course there are lady speakers as well.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."

innermost
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Re: Higher power

Post by innermost » Thu Jun 20, 2019 1:50 pm

@Brock

I have listen to and enjoyed all those that you mentioned.

I also like Bob D. and Joe H.

I wasn't sure if I was allowed to mention you tube on this site.

Anyway it did open my eyes to different ways that were out there.
Gave me better understandings and perspectives.
Any lengths,right Brock?
The first 164 pg. is the program!

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