Me against me 2.0

New to AA? Got questions? Here's the place to ask. Note that no one person speaks "officially" for AA. AA meetings in your local area are always the best source of information. Note that anyone may post and reply to messages in this forum.

Me against me 2.0

Postby Become_better » Sun Nov 04, 2018 7:56 pm

I’ve been a drinker since 16 years old... I’m 39 now.... in my early years my friends and I drank heavily Friday thru Sunday in the typical party mode that guys my age participated in at the time. Clubs, bars, girls, drugs etc. fast forward to now and I am married have 2 kids and a very successful career. I’ve definitely toned it down since my early days but still I have trouble having just a couple drinks. Whenever I drink I go beyond what everyone else does around me. They have 2 drinks, I have 8.... I’ve never been good at moderating. I don’t know if it’s my younger days of balls to the wall drinking or what but I cannot have just 1 or 2. I never get black out drunk or drive shattered but I drink enough that the mental and physical effects are noticeable. I enjoy drinking and having good laughs but it’s the after effects that bother me most. The day after I drink I feel depressed, physically not on top of my game and demotivated from my goals.


I often go 1 months, 3 months and once I went a whole year sober. That one year I felt amazing, accomplished so much and was on top of the world, and then the thought came to me, “ I can drink moderately”, shortly after that 1 became 2, 2 became 4, 4 became 8 and so on. My biggest problem with drinking is the effects it has on my attitude and mental state. I don’t bounce back happy anymore. I spend 2-3 days miserable and irritated at everyone including my loved ones. I’m at the point where my drinking isn’t killing me but I want to be better. I want to be my best, I want to achieve more, I want to give more, I want to meet my highest and best self but every weekend or every time I go out with friends I just can’t seem to say no!... how do I say no? How do I overcome the fear of missing out on the “good times”?
Become_better
Forums Newcomer
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Nov 04, 2018 7:32 pm

Re: Me against me 2.0

Postby avaneesh912 » Mon Nov 05, 2018 4:33 am

how do I say no? How do I overcome the fear of missing out on the “good times”?


Welcome to the forums. Good question. I had to realize deep down within that alcohol is not working for me anymore and later when I came into the rooms, and started hearing about the 3 traits of alcoholism and acquiring more information about the disease concept, I came to that conclusion that if I dont change my mind will trick me back into taking that first drink over and over again. The 12 steps of AA helps us get there. At the end we have what is called a psychic change, spiritual awakening, simply put an attitude shift. Visit one of the local meetings, grab a person who has a good understanding of the workings of the 12 steps and start applying the principles on yourself. Good luck.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
User avatar
avaneesh912
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 4890
Joined: Fri May 30, 2008 12:22 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: Me against me 2.0

Postby positrac » Mon Nov 05, 2018 4:54 am

Become_better wrote:"and then the thought came to me, “ I can drink moderately”, and how do I overcome the fear of missing out on the “good times”?


Welcome and you sound like you know the answers and yet hold back because of the unknowns behind door #2! I know that feeling and I know those thoughts and I also remember thinking I was missing so much and being sober would make me a square!

First off getting and staying sober has to be about you and not about wife and kids! They have an important role in the family as you do. But you have violated life with the drinking and so you have to earn them back and staying sober, going to meetings and finding that person who has what you want in sobriety are keys to being totally transparent. You didn't start drinking over night and learning sobriety is a process as well. I am being up front and know that all of your successes are nil if you can't stop the drink.

Fun times is knowing I can still hold the laughter and I know when to exit stage left because I and true to me and those people can't make me drink unless I am tied down and forced to drink.

My challenge to you is if you have the desire to stop drinking then use that same energy that you used to drink by going to meetings and working the steps. This is not like a diet, you know speedo time in the summer and gotta lose the keg around the waist! This is a life long deal and it is very achievable as I got sober at age 22! I was in the gutter and so I've been at this for a few years and we all can do it if we all work it.

Have a good week and keep coming back
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.
User avatar
positrac
Trusted Servant
 
Posts: 1278
Joined: Wed Oct 29, 2014 4:03 am

Re: Me against me 2.0

Postby Brock » Mon Nov 05, 2018 1:42 pm

I enjoy drinking and having good laughs but it’s the after effects that bother me most. The day after I drink I feel depressed, physically not on top of my game and demotivated from my goals.

That’s what I call the price getting too high, and I use it in other areas of life as well. Everything we do which is not good for us comes at a price, and there is a balance we cross where it’s no longer worth the fun we have at the time. In this case I don’t know if AA is the right place for you, it’s a decision only you can make. The main text we use the ‘Big Book,’ in certain areas says yes, anyone who can’t control once they start, is in trouble and likely an alcoholic, but then it also says things like -
If anyone questions whether he has entered this dangerous area, let him try leaving liquor alone for one year. If he is a real alcoholic and very far advanced, there is scant chance of success. In the early days of our drinking we occasionally remained sober for a year or more, becoming serious drinkers again later. Though you may be able to stop for a considerable period, you may yet be a potential alcoholic. We think few, to whom this book will appeal, can stay dry anything like a year. Some will be drunk the day after making their resolutions; most of them within a few weeks.

I am certainly not trying to put you off, that’s the opposite of what we are supposed to do. But with an intelligent man asking the questions, rather than just say go to meetings, I prefer to have you look at some of what the literature says. Please keep in mind that it’s your decision only, everybody who wishes to stop drinking is welcomed in AA meetings. I will put links to some literature, in the chapter ‘There Is A Solution,’ on pages 20 & 21 a certain type of drinker is described, it’s a matter of finding what you identify with, because the meetings are a place we need to identify with what others are saying.

Also, when you ask - ‘How do I overcome the fear of missing out on the “good times”?’ That to me was question #1 at first, but eventually my drinking got so bad there were no good times, just drinking to control the shakes and feel a little ‘normal.’ It is absolutely true that after we do the steps of AA and are living in the solution, the urge to drink disappears, and out with friends while they are drinking we don’t need to drink. But I think it’s fair to say what we thought were good times, might not appeal to us that much anymore. Sure friends eating out and such is still fun, but certain parties where people are drinking to excess most of us find boring. But then I used to think things like fishing wouldn’t be fun without drink, and I found out different.

Please ask any further questions or make any comments, we enjoy answering, partly because it reminds us of where we came from, and how much happier we are now.

Is A.A. For You – 12 Questions.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/is-aa-for ... can-answer

A Brief Guide To AA.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-42_abriefguidetoaa.pdf

Three Chapters From The Big Book-

1.The Doctors Opinion.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbo ... pinion.pdf

2.There Is A Solution.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt2.pdf

3.More About Alcoholism.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf

A.A. Meeting Finder.
A.A. Near You.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/find-aa-resources
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
User avatar
Brock
Forums Coordinator
 
Posts: 3523
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2012 1:45 pm

Re: Me against me 2.0

Postby Layne » Mon Nov 05, 2018 8:33 pm

How do I overcome the fear of missing out on the “good times”?

The way I did it was by missing out on the "good times" for a while. When I did that I discovered, that like most of my fears when confronted head on, it proved to be a totally baseless fear without substance.
Layne
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 1599
Joined: Sun Oct 29, 2006 7:20 am
Location: British Virgin Islands

Re: Me against me 2.0

Postby PaigeB » Tue Nov 06, 2018 11:11 am

The "good times" are a fantasy. We only remember the good parts - or we just plain make them up.

Trust me - this disease wants me dead. Sooner or Later. Read the last page of the last story in the Big Book. Starting at the top "How did we do it"... to the end. Near the end it says "We must stop this fantasizing." I had to get real about what brought me to the doors of AA. Normal drinkers don't usually just stop by to see what is up with us. But hey! We are friendly enough - try it for a few months. We have a misery back guarantee!
If I'm not able to say how I'm working my program today, then I'm not working my program.
The e-AA Group's 7th Tradition link: www.e-aa.org/group_seventh.php
User avatar
PaigeB
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 7686
Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:28 pm
Location: Iowa USA

Re: Me against me 2.0

Postby Tosh » Sat Nov 10, 2018 4:42 am

Become_better wrote:I’m at the point where my drinking isn’t killing me but I want to be better.


If drinking makes you feel as good as it made me feel, you'll understand that it was a tough one for me to even consider stopping, so much so I couldn't. I had to get to the point where it was really killing me. But that doesn't have to be that way with you; obviously.

Become_better wrote: I want to be my best, I want to achieve more, I want to give more, I want to meet my highest and best self but every weekend or every time I go out with friends I just can’t seem to say no!... how do I say no? How do I overcome the fear of missing out on the “good times”?


I can't say that I had any friends towards the end of my drinking, which was a good thing really; it gave me a clean slate.

After I came to A.A., and did all that the 12 Step program suggested to the best of my ability(ish), not only was I free of the desire to drink, I also managed to work on other problems, like stopping smoking and losing weight. I also started running and got involved with the local running scene and have ran marathons and ultra marathons.

Consequently, the majority of my friends aren't really drinkers. We have fun; just not that fake fun that robs all your money and makes you feel like death when you regain consciousness.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
User avatar
Tosh
Forums Old Timer
 
Posts: 3724
Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 10:43 am


Return to For the Newcomer

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests