I want to live. Where do I start?

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I want to live. Where do I start?

Postby RebelPlumber » Thu Oct 11, 2018 9:37 pm

I could go on for hours about how I’ve F*** up my life with alcohol. I want to just end the pain sometimes but I want to live. I love my wife and son but have hurt them financially and mentally more than I want to even imagine. Can you really even recover? I need to start drinking vodka as soon as I wake up. But now I’m to the point where I throw up first thing in the morning agog least a few days a week after s day of heavy drinking. And I’m talking a bit bottle every other day. I went to the dr for help and they even gave me medicine. I just can’t not drink. And once I start, I gotta make sure I drink enough to pass out either during the day or early evening. Oh, and I got laid off case I got turned into a S*** employee from being the best. F***.....
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Re: I want to live. Where do I start?

Postby Surrender » Fri Oct 12, 2018 2:10 am

Hi.
You may be able to find AA meetings in your local Area online.
Attend some meetings, life will get better for you.
Best of luck, it works if you work it.
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Re: I want to live. Where do I start?

Postby positrac » Fri Oct 12, 2018 2:14 am

Previous post I pointed out a few details to consider. Maybe detox and rehab could be a start to physically, mentally get you really thinking. Pain is part of recovery and you didn't get this way over night and you aren't going to see improvements over night. Stop thinking about what you've lost and worry about Ryan! If you are dead then what good are you to anyone? What will your legacy be? Most likely not a saint!!!!! So what are you going to do? This site is great, although you need some face to face contacts in the rooms and I suspect you've been to AA before because something should of gotten you jammed up along the way to your current condition.

Ryan I might sound cold or holier than thou; but I am from the school of hard knocks back when life in AA was a lot more tougher and a lot less PC but the message was the same. So my points are to the point and I don't have time to be f*cking around with wishing and hoping because this thing called alcoholism is a life or death deal!

Keep coming back because this really does work.
Work hard, stay positive, and get up early. It's the best part of the day.
George Allen, Sr.
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Re: I want to live. Where do I start?

Postby Layne » Fri Oct 12, 2018 9:09 am

I just can’t not drink.
THIS was me.
I want to just end the pain sometimes but I want to live.
THIS was me.
I love my wife and son but have hurt them financially and mentally more than I want to even imagine.
THIS was me.
Can you really even recover?
YES! YES! YES!

I learned how it is possible by attending meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Recovery became a reality for me when I applied what I learned by attending meetings and worked the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Life keeps getting better and better.
I wouldn't trade the last 15 years for anything.
It can happen for you!
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Re: I want to live. Where do I start?

Postby Brock » Fri Oct 12, 2018 2:46 pm

RebelPlumber wrote: I need to start drinking vodka as soon as I wake up.

My choice was rum, because I live in the West Indies and it’s cheap, but it got so bad I couldn’t hold the bottle or glass in the morning, it would spill everywhere. My wife would hold the glass while I got one or two drinks down, then hands steady again and I could manage. One day she said this is the last day I help you kill yourself, I am not holding the glass tomorrow. But I am pretty smart, so off to the store I went and got a length of clear plastic tubing, problem solved, tube in the bottle next morning and I could even see the rum coming up the tube. That tube is still where I can see it as I type this, in memory of a fool who thought he was clever.

You have got good advise already, AA offers something way more than just stopping drinking, if that’s all there was I wouldn’t have made it, it’s turned my life around, never been happier.

Sobering up after this type of drinking is tough at first, about four days of feeling worse than crap, you need medication, or even better medication and supervision, to do this safely. But I have done that quite a few times, then lasted a few weeks and went back to the drink. I found out after from AA that I had no choice in going back, I was powerless over it. They showed me where to find the power, and we are just trying to show you, and we enjoy trying to help. Please ask any questions if you wish, or make any comments, we are happy to have you here.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: I want to live. Where do I start?

Postby tomsteve » Sat Oct 13, 2018 6:28 am

glad yer here,rebel. reading what ya typed, something from the big book of AA came to mind:
No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master.
i read those words the first week i was sober. they hit me hard and were quite true for me.that could have been caused by the week previous- my fiance had witnessed one too many blackout tirades from and tossed me to the curb. it was the first time in my life i was out of denial and admitted alcohol was the common denominator in all my problems.
the program helped me find a new master- one with all power that could help me with the drink problem.that doesnt mean he came down, took care of everything, and everything was sunshine,rainbows, and sparkle fartin unicorns. quite the opposite- i was quite miserable for quite some time.
but i trudged-went to meetings,read the BB, prayed like crazy, worked the program, and didnt drink even when my arse was falling off.
and the promises of the program started happening.
getting sober was the hardest thing ive ever done- harder than fighting cancer(which started about a year in).
staying sober has been easy and well worth every second of fight i had to put in.




RebelPlumber wrote:I could go on for hours about how I’ve F*** up my life with alcohol. I want to just end the pain sometimes but I want to live. I love my wife and son but have hurt them financially and mentally more than I want to even imagine. Can you really even recover? I need to start drinking vodka as soon as I wake up. But now I’m to the point where I throw up first thing in the morning agog least a few days a week after s day of heavy drinking. And I’m talking a bit bottle every other day. I went to the dr for help and they even gave me medicine. I just can’t not drink. And once I start, I gotta make sure I drink enough to pass out either during the day or early evening. Oh, and I got laid off case I got turned into a S*** employee from being the best. F***.....
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Re: I want to live. Where do I start?

Postby avaneesh912 » Sat Oct 13, 2018 8:15 am

Understanding the nature of this condition might help you. If you get a chance read the first 43 pages of the book Alcoholics Anonymous and see the nature of the alcoholic mind. See how the alcoholic mind operates prior to picking up the first drink. The book talks about the peculiar mental twist that precedes the spree. Usually its something to do with everyday life situations. We have become so dependent on alcohol we couldn't handle situations and we seek alcohol for help. The alcoholic mind is trained to do that. Its the easy way out and the only solution it knows off. The solution is to handle life in away we dont get swayed. Thats where the reminder of the 12 steps come into play.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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