I'm sorry to say

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I'm sorry to say

Postby Ohwow » Sun Dec 03, 2017 7:08 am

I got WASTED last night. Been to aa meetings before. Don't like the reading part, don't particularly like the people. Person I asked to be my sponsor had too many sponsees so declined. I wasn't asking another person after that rejection. Anyway, as the old story goes, been controlling my drinking for a while till last night. I went to the bar for an event. No scenes at all but I got wasted. Couldn't stop ordering shots. I was the last person at the party and still ordered a shot or two by myself. Now I woke up feeling that old feeling (hung over/still drunk). It was The way I used to drink (2 years ago) 3 or 4 nights out of the week.

Just venting. Not sure what to expect on a message board but I'm pretty pissed at myself.
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Re: I'm sorry to say

Postby Ohwow » Sun Dec 03, 2017 7:15 am

Anyone on here?
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Re: I'm sorry to say

Postby Brock » Sun Dec 03, 2017 7:20 am

Welcome here Ohwow, folks on these boards make up the best names to post under, yours says a lot about how we feel when we slip.

Unfortunately it is fairly common that we see members falling into the trap of ‘controlled drinking,’ the best news is that you right away are looking to getting back into AA by posting here. I am on my way out to one of the two weekly meetings I attend, just wanted to welcome you, the boards seem a bit slow this morning, but I expect others will be along to post.
"Good morning, this is your Higher Power speaking. I will not be needing your help today."
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Re: I'm sorry to say

Postby avaneesh912 » Sun Dec 03, 2017 8:03 am

Hope you get the willingness to read the chapter more about alcoholism and understand how the mind of the alcoholic works. It will trick us back into taking that first drink. Most of the time you may control it, but at times, we go go Gaga. The defense comes by working the 12 steps of aa.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: I'm sorry to say

Postby positrac » Mon Dec 04, 2017 3:45 am

Ohwow wrote:Anyone on here?

You stunned us with your wiliness! Sorry you got drunk and maybe this is a key that you are the only one that can get sober. If I pissed and moaned about rejection in life from the time I was hatched until today I'd be dead! Self pity won't make this post any better and honestly you have to make efforts and you have to go to other meetings and if you don't like the people stand up and be honest! YOU PEOPLE SUCK and leave me ALONE! You'll get your wish and it'll suck because they know you are in the right place and they'll pester you until you cave in and accept that you need help from those who have traveled the exact same trail you are currently on. And coming online expecting that we'll all feel sorry for you won't work either because this is a life and death
disease.

Our door is always open and the program of AA is a simple program for complicated people and if you want what we have then you'll go to ANY length to get it, just like you do when you drink. So now today the ball is in your court and the choice to white knuckle it or get into AA and make a real effort and the best part is this: Misery is optional!

I am not mad at you and honestly if is people such as yourself that remind me and others that nothing has changed out in the drinking world and you are living proof. Wake up before it is too late to change.
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
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Re: I'm sorry to say

Postby beginningagain7 » Mon Dec 04, 2017 10:40 am

We, of alcoholics Anonymous, know thousands of men and women who were once just as hopeless as Bill. Nearly all have recovered. They have solved the drink problem.

We are average Americans. All sections of this country and many of its occupations are represented, as well as many political, economic, social, and religious backgrounds. We are people who normally would not mix. But there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, and understanding which is indescribably wonderful. We are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joyousness and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to Captian's table. Unlike the feeling of the ship's passengers, however, our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways. The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined.

The tremendous fact for everyone of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the gret news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism.

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, There Is A Solution, pg. 17, with permission from AAWS

There is a thing about recovery. First you have to be willing to do what it takes to get sobriety. Sounds like you are not willing. You want it on your terms. You didn't like the reading, so maybe it was a reading that was meant for you and you just didn't like it because of that. You got upset because someone turned you down for being your sponsor because he had already had enough and couldn't handle another one. So that set you off.

I would suggest that you get a Big Book, or if you already have one read it. Get a notebook and start a journal in what you thought of what you read.

You can take a horse to water but you cannot get it to drink it. Same here we offer a program that will help you start recovery, but we cannot do the recovery for you. You have to be willing to do it.

So the question is: Are you willing?
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Re: I'm sorry to say

Postby highcostofliving » Mon Dec 04, 2017 11:35 am

Welcome Ohwow....

They say it up front.... keep coming back, it works. I'm new to this, and to be honest, most of the time right now, it sucks and I'm pretty much operating under the assumption that I'll relapse shortly :).... I realized about day 10, that I was going to drink again... yet... here I am Day 55..... 'somehow' being in the program and being willing, I just keep pushing it back another day..... I found myself in a bar for 4 hours yesterday before the Seahawks game, and I was certain on my way there that it was the day I was going to wake up just like you did.... and.... I didn't drink... not even sure why or how... after I passed on the first round, I didn't even think about it....

I guess the point is, I've spent 55 days in my head 24/7 thinking how AA will never 'really' work for me, how much time it takes from my life going to meetings... yet here we are... it's the longest I've gone without alcohol in 22 years... (by far).... I don't know how or why, yet, but if you keep going to meetings with an open mind... it works.

Keep coming back!
"The high cost of living, ain't nothin like the cost of living high" - Jamey Johnson
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Re: I'm sorry to say

Postby avaneesh912 » Mon Dec 04, 2017 12:33 pm

The first step in recovery the book says: Alcohol doesn't work anymore and that we need the power of spiritual awakenings. Meetings might help but eventually the individual has to take a deep look at themselves and decide if they want to keep doing 12 steps for life or just go to meetings. Meetings does give us relief but if the alcoholic doesn't enlarge his/her spiritual life, there might be a time when the individual might get blind-sighted.
Show him, from your own experience, how the peculiar mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power (Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 92)
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Re: I'm sorry to say

Postby Blue Moon » Mon Dec 04, 2017 3:02 pm

I didn't like the people in the meetings early on. They seemed to spend all their time laughing, and I couldn't see what was so funny about alcoholism. The "God Stuff" was a real turn-off also.

Yet looking back now, why wouldn't we laugh? We who escaped a fate worse than death have much to be thankful about. After all, if life would remain so glum, there seems little point in quitting drinking.
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Re: I'm sorry to say

Postby positrac » Wed Dec 06, 2017 4:05 am

highcostofliving wrote:Welcome Ohwow....

They say it up front.... keep coming back, it works. I'm new to this, and to be honest, most of the time right now, it sucks and I'm pretty much operating under the assumption that I'll relapse shortly :).... I realized about day 10, that I was going to drink again... yet... here I am Day 55..... 'somehow' being in the program and being willing, I just keep pushing it back another day..... I found myself in a bar for 4 hours yesterday before the Seahawks game, and I was certain on my way there that it was the day I was going to wake up just like you did.... and.... I didn't drink... not even sure why or how... after I passed on the first round, I didn't even think about it....

I guess the point is, I've spent 55 days in my head 24/7 thinking how AA will never 'really' work for me, how much time it takes from my life going to meetings... yet here we are... it's the longest I've gone without alcohol in 22 years... (by far).... I don't know how or why, yet, but if you keep going to meetings with an open mind... it works.

Keep coming back!


We never asked you for perfection as we'd all be out drinking because we are all far from perfection. We just asked that you keep coming back, try and learn how not to open the jug and if you keep coming back this new life will become a habit you'll learn to accept.

Well done on day 55! I've said this before that you are an inspiration because I know that nothing has changed outside in the world of drinking and you keep me sober hopefully as much as we on this site keep you coming back and sober for today. Sounds corny and yet one day you'll really know what we are talking about.
You must live your life from beginning to end: No one else can do it for you.
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Re: I'm sorry to say

Postby Roberth » Wed Dec 06, 2017 9:49 am

Hello Ohwell. My name is Robert and I am a Los Angeles area alcoholic. Well you aren’t the first to drink again and I guarantee you won’t be the last, but you are in good company. It happened to both are co-founders.
I didn’t think this AA thingy was going to work for me, at 87 days I told my then wife to take me to a meeting or I was going to the liquor store. Lucky for me she took me to the meeting that would change my life.
I heard my story coming out of someone else’s mouth and I knew AA would work for me. I made a commitment to myself to keep coming back to AA drunk, sober or crazy. That was a commitment took what we call the longest journey, the one from the head to the heart and the obsession was lifted right when and there.
That was over 25 years ago and it hasn’t returned yet
Robert
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming WOW What a ride!!!!
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Re: I'm sorry to say

Postby marthamaree » Mon Dec 11, 2017 8:28 am

Alcoholism is strange. I fought like mad for the "right" to get drunk and wreck my life. Life looks different after the alcohol has left my body. Life is better without alcohol, not great but better. X
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Re: I'm sorry to say

Postby Tosh » Mon Dec 11, 2017 10:17 am

Ohwow wrote:Not sure what to expect on a message board but I'm pretty pissed at myself.


Sometimes just typing it out helps process what's happened.

I'm going to guess you know what you need to do.
Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” Rumi (No sniggering from the sex addicts)
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